


A Better God Than God

by Midnight_Masquerade



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Canon Compliant, Canon Continuation, Coda, Fluff, Genderqueer Character, Leader!Hannah, Missing Scene, Multi, Prompt Fill, Spoilers, Teen Pregnancy, Underage Smoking, non-sexual nudity
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-10
Updated: 2016-05-21
Packaged: 2018-04-03 19:22:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 24,285
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4112158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Midnight_Masquerade/pseuds/Midnight_Masquerade
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>30 dialogue prompts, 30 Hannah!centric ficlets. Various ratings, parings, genres and settings, all in celebration of the angel who fixed Heaven.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. "Wait right there, don't move!"

**Author's Note:**

> Hannah is sorely under-appreciated by most of the fandom and needs her love. Tags and warnings will be updated as appropriate.
> 
> Chapter 1: Nondescript Everybody Lives AU. Charlie/Hannah. Angst.

The sun is setting behind the bunker, casting the surrounding landscape into breathtaking reds and oranges. Charlie finds Hannah leaning against a tree at the top of a hill and gazing out over the paint pallet horizon. The breeze is gently fluttering her hair and her chest is rising and falling in time with the slow swaying of the branches above her head. Charlie comes to a stop just behind her, not wanting to interrupt her apparent tranquility with needless words.

A second later Hannah breaks the silence for her: “Of all my father's creations the stars were always my favorite,” she tells her, “I could look at them for hours. But sunsets do have a certain spectacle.”

“I was always more into rainy days,” Charlie says, “Playing video games in bed and listening to the storm outside.”

Hannah makes a noise of agreement and Charlie fists her hands inside her pockets – truth be told, she has no idea why she's followed the angel out here, except that there's been an itch under her skin for weeks that only seems to be soothed by her presence.

And by tomorrow all that will be over.

“No sunsets in heaven, huh?” she says.

“Angels have no time or need for frivolities,” Hannah replies, “It would just distract us from our purpose.”

“Right. Yeah.”

They're both silent for several moments. Then Hannah turns around and Charlie's breath catches in her throat: the fading sun shines almost luminous on her skin and makes her light eyes piercing. She's soft and relaxed, mouth curling into a smile as she focuses on Charlie.

“I used to understand that,” she says.

“What?”

“Heaven's rigid control of everything. I never used to think anything of it but...”

“But now you've spent time down here?”

“I've walked amongst my father's most beloved. I don't think I'll ever understand humans, not after all this time. But there are more things to appreciate than my siblings or I ever imagined. I see now why Castiel has grown so fond of you.”

Charlie stares at Hannah as she speaks, stomach doing back flips. She's entirely forgotten the beautiful sunset in favour of the woman before her, her even voice and expression of curious wonder.

All things she'll probably never see again. All of a sudden Charlie can't bare to let this moment go.

She half turns away back to the bunker. “Uh, I gotta...”

“Charlie?”

“Wait right there, don't move!” She hurries away, heading back inside and up to her bedroom. One short but frantic search later she's retracing her steps, rushing back up the hill and praying that Hannah hasn't left.

She hasn't. She's right where Charlie left her, waiting with a perplexed look on her face that only increases when she sees what Charlie's holding.

“What's going on?”

“Just... just hold still.” Charlie flicks the camera on and raises it to eye-level. Hannah stands patiently as she snaps several photos from a few feet away, trying to capture the sunset as well as the woman bathed in it. Then Charlie comes forward until only Hannah's face is in the frame, close enough that the camera picks up the flyaway strands of hair around her head and the all the different shades in her eyes. She wants to preserve as much of the scene as she can; just the two of them, nothing to fight or run from. God, she should have done this every single time.

Eventually she lowers the camera. Hannah is looking at her with an unreadable expression that makes her shuffle awkwardly. “Um... this is great lighting, I just wanted to...”

Hannah steps forward and curls her fingers loosely around Charlie's wrist, her thumb stroking against her hand. “I don't want to leave you, Charlie.”

“Then don't.” The words are out of her mouth before she can stop them, crashing forward like a tidal wave, “Stay. There's so much room in the bunker. We can teach you to hunt, or you can stay and do research, and you and Cas can help each other out with, you know, angel stuff. I know Sam and Dean won't mind-”

“Charlie.”

“-they always need more friends, especially badass angels who can totally smite anyone who tries to hurt them, it would be perfect!”

“Charlie.” Hannah leans in even further until their foreheads are almost touching. Charlie clamps her mouth shut, eyes suddenly stinging. Right. Of course. This was what she's been dying to say. The words had been scratching at her for so long, desperate to be heard.

It was just typical that she wouldn't realise until it was too late.

“I have no choice.” Hannah says sadly, “Heaven has fallen back into chaos and they need a leader.”

“Let another angel do it.” She hates how pathetic and pleading she sounds, like a kid who's favourite toy is being taken away. “There are so many of you, right? Why does it have to be you?”

“Metatron was the cause of a lot of distrust,” Hannah says, “I have lead them before, they recognise me as an authority. Any one else would just plunge Heaven into another civil war.” She put her hands either side of Charlie's face and looked into her eyes, “I would not leave you unless I had no other choice.”

There are so many things bursting on Charlie's tongue – pleas and arguments and cajoles and at least one straight-up tantrum. But it's useless. It's too late and she knows that once Hannah has chosen a course there is no swaying her from it.

She knows, as well, that somewhere in the tangle of words there's a certain declaration, sitting quietly and overlooked until now. She _could_ let that one out.

But would it make anything better? Or just even worse?

She nods, trying to ward off the tears threatening to spill out of her eyes. “You, uh... you wanna watch the sun go down with me?”

Every millennia that Hannah has seen is glistening in her eyes. “I would like that a lot.”

 


	2. "That's a good look for you."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nondescript Human AU. Castiel and Hannah sibling relationship. Genderfluid!Hannah.

Hannah wasn't insecure in her body. She knew that by conventional standards she was actually rather attractive and she liked her height and the way her dark hair contrasted with her pale skin. But some days she would look in the mirror and all she could see were her nipped in waist and the swells of her breasts under her shirt and her thin mouth. It was all too delicate, too soft, too... too _feminine_.

On those days she scrounged her baggiest jumpers from the back of her closet and tied her hair back off her face. She didn't want to get rid of any of it, not really, but sometimes she wished it were a little less obvious.

She kept most of these thoughts to herself – her father couldn't exactly be called open minded and she didn't know how her brother would react. It wasn't that she didn't trust Castiel but... some things were personal. So she continued on the way she always had – sometimes in her form-fitting jeans and subtly styled hair, sometimes taking pains to cover as much as herself as possible – until the winter of her senior year.

She was alone in the house, her father gone for the weekend on some business trip and Castiel off to wherever it is he went when he disappeared. She had reached the conclusion that if she didn't cave and sort the piles of laundry stacked up in their basement then it wasn't going to get done at all, so was whiling away the afternoon sorting and folding what seemed to be the entirety of their collective wardrobes. She left Castiel's clothes piled in his bedroom, knowing that he would take care of them when he found them. She considered doing the same with her father's before realising he probably wouldn't even notice them.

She knew cleaning up after him wasn't her job, or Castiel's, but he wasn't going to do it and her conscience found that intolerable.

She dumped his clothes onto his unmade bed and went to his closet to fetch hangers. That was where she found it: hung at the back was an expensive-looking grey suit, neatly pressed and complete with patterned tie. Hannah frowned; she had no idea that her father owned anything smarter than than his t shirts. Intrigued, she leaned in and hooked it out, holding it up to the light to examine it further. It was nice. _Very_ nice. It obviously wasn't tailored, but it was beautifully cut and draped over the hanger in a very inviting manner.

Hannah rubbed the material between her thumb and index finger, enjoying the smooth texture. There were creases along the lengths of the sleeves and pants that suggested that it had hardly been worn. The thought made Hannah weirdly sad – such an attractive outfit shouldn't be left to gather dust at the back of a closet.

She glanced over her shoulder, all of a sudden feeling conspicuous, though she wasn't doing anything wrong. She should put the suit back and return to the basement.

She didn't move.

It wasn't – she was just _curious_ , that was all. She'd always been fond of Castiel's own formal attire, even as appallingly as it fit him. If he hadn't been several inches taller than her and much wider across the shoulders she suspects she would have tried one on of his suits on a long time ago. There was nothing wrong with natural curiosity, right?

She looked over her shoulder again, even though she knew she was alone, then sighed and went to lay the suit out on the bed. She pulled off her jumper and jeans and slipped into the suit, revelling in the silky feel of it against her skin. For several moments she stood facing the bed, doing up and undoing the buttons of the blazer. Nerves were suddenly twisting in her gut and a sizeable part of her wanted to shrug this whole thing off and forget about it.

She took a deep breath and moved to stand in front of the mirror.

_Oh..._

It wasn't perfect. The blazer pulled over her chest and the trousers bunched inelegantly around her feet. But now instead of swells and curves she was all straight lines – the stiff shoulders of the blazer made her look broader and her hips (not exactly wide to begin with) were nowhere to be seen.

How would she look with a suit tailored to fit her? With clothes that cut her a new shape without slumping off her? She could almost picture herself – striding around in loose-fitting greys and blues, her hair knotted at the back of her head. Jaunty three-pieces hanging alongside her dresses and cufflinks mixed in with her small collection of make up. She grinned to herself, fingering the lapels of the blazer.

“Hannah?” The door opened behind her and she spun round, panic flaring hot and sharp. Castiel was standing in the doorway, looking at her with an unreadable expression on his face.

“I was just...” Hannah cast around for something, _anything_ that could explain this away. “Um, this is dad's, I was doing laundry and I found it and I...” She trailed off, heart thudding in her chest. Castiel was still staring at her.

In reality, the silence that followed was probably no more than a couple of seconds, but to Hannah it stretched on for an eternity.

Then Castiel said, “That's a good look for you.”

Hannah blinked, “What?”

“A little too big, of course,” he continued, “but other than that it suits you rather nicely.”

“You...” Hannah was floundering, utterly at a loss for how to proceed.

Castiel came to her rescue: “If you don't mind me asking, is this just a fashion choice or is it more in the realm of self-expression?”

“It – it's not all the time,” Hannah said hurriedly, “or even most of the time, I mean I don't-”

“Hannah.” Castiel cut her off, taking a few steps forward into the room. His expression had become soft, “You don't have to explain yourself to me.”

Hannah frowned at him, “You're... not mad.”

To her surprise, he actually _laughed_. “I always wondered if you knew.”

“Knew what?”

“Do you remember Dean?”

“Of course,” Hannah said, “You haven't seen him since Freshman year, ever since... _oh._ ”

Castiel nodded.

“You and he...?”

“Yes.”

“That's where you're always disappearing to.”

He grinned again, “Dean is always tells me that I'm a terrible liar, but apparently I'm better than he thinks.”

They were silent for a while, Hannah trying to absorb all this new information. Apparently their father wasn't raising the conservative, obedient children he thought he was.

“You will have to introduce me to Dean some time,” she said.

“You would probably get along very well.” He looked at her, taking in her attire once more. “Have you ever tried on anything of mine?”

“No.”

“Would you like to?”

Hannah's smile was wide and entirely involuntary. “Yes. Yes I think I would.”


	3. "Could you repeat that?"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spoilers for the season 10 finale. Badass Leader!Hannah

“Could you repeat that?”

The angel in front of her – Hadraniel – swallowed visibly and Hannah tried to reign in her mounting anger. Don't shoot the messenger, or whatever that ridiculous human idiom was.

“Um, The Darkness, ma'am.”

Hannah closed her eyes, “Not...”

“I'm afraid so.”

“How?”

“Um, the Winchesters-”

Hannah kicked the wall. Of _course_ it was the bloody Winchesters. They'd messed with pretty much every other cosmic safeguard ever devised, why not this one too?

She rounded on Hadraniel, who made a valiant attempt at not flinching, “How? I thought the spell for destroying the Mark of Cain was long since lost.”

“Well, ma'am... it seems they got hold of the Book of the Damned.”

“That still exists?”

“It would seem so.”

Hannah pursed her lips. She was starting to really understand the human race's invention of curse words. “How long has it been out?”

“Uh... less than half an hour, ma'am.”

“The damage?”

“Mostly Earth-bound, though our telepathic frequencies are being disrupted.”

That explained why she hadn't heard from Castiel. How could he have allowed this?

Oh right. When Dean Winchester's life was on the line there wasn't anything that he _wouldn't_ allow. Once this initial panic was over she and him were going to be having some serious words.

“Is the gateway to Heaven still functioning?”

“Yes ma'am.”

“Close it.”

“Ma'am?”

Hannah sighed, “If The Darkness reaches Heaven and the souls we contain, who knows what damage could be done. I want it shut and secured with every loyal angel on this side. No one comes in or out without without my permission.”

Hadraniel nodded and turned to leave. Hannah paused, then called after him just as he was at the door.

“Yes ma'am.”

“Alert everyone to be on their guard. There's no knowing what form The Darkness will take. Until we understand what we're dealing with, we are to be suspicious of everyone and everything, do you understand?”

“Yes ma'am.”

“Good.”

“...Ma'am?”

Hannah turned to find he was still hovering the in doorway. “What is it?”

“Were...” he shifted uncomfortably, “Were you... there, ma'am? When The Darkness was vanquished the first time?”

She looked at him, observing the fear in his eyes. She was far from one of the oldest angels but Hadraniel was even younger. Something sad and bitter twisted inside of her – she'd never wanted this. When she'd taken over Heaven mere months ago it had been to restore order and give her brothers and sisters back the home that had been so savagely ripped from them. Not to find herself commanding a war.

“No,” she told him honestly, “only the Archangels were there to witness that battle.”

“They never spoke of it.” Hadraniel said, “How can we defeat an enemy we know nothing about?”

Hannah approached him, trying to look comforting, “Have faith, Hadraniel. There are many more of us now and we have learned so much since then. If we can survive being cast out and losing our wings then we can survive this.”

He nodded shakily and Hannah patted him on the shoulder. “Go. Pass on the plan to our siblings.”

“Yes ma'am.”

As soon as he was gone Hannah leaned heavily on the desk, her knees trembling. She may not have experienced The First Battle but every angel knew the stories. They alone were enough to make them all quake with fear. Now that the thing itself was out...

She wanted to march down to Earth and smite the Winchesters where they stood. She wanted to rip Castiel to shreds for being single-minded enough to let this happen. She wanted to curl up on the floor and scream until she had no voice left. She wanted to bury her face in Castiel's shoulder and cry.

But she wouldn't do any of that. There were hundreds of angels out there just as terrified as she was and they needed a leader. She had placed herself in this position assuming she would be able to handle it and she would _not_ let herself or anyone else down.

All the Archangels were gone. Her father was gone. They were all charging into this fight blind.

For several long minutes Hannah stood slumped against the desk, breathing slow and deliberate. Then she pushed herself upright, straightened her clothes and squared her shoulders.

She had a universe to save.


	4. "Hey, have you seen the...? Oh."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Missing scene from 10x02. Undertones of Hannah/Kim.

Hannah pushed the bathroom door shut behind her and went to stand in front of the mirror. Both she and Castiel had been very lucky, surviving the collision with their vessels intact, but in the last few hours she'd become aware of something warm and sticky sealing her shirt to her skin just over her hip.

She stood in front of the mirror as she shed her blazer and sweater and studied her reflection curiously. It was undeniably strange: to be staring into a face that wasn't hers, eyes that didn't belong to her blinking as she did.

This body was so confining. She wondered how Castiel had bared to inhabit one for so long.

She eased the shirt off her shoulders and immediately added _fragile_ to her ever expanding list of adjectives for humans. There was long, deep gash running just bellow the dip of her waist and blood was staining her pants. She sighed, irritated. With the loss of her wings, using her grace had become harder – healing a wound of this magnitude would leave her feeling weak for hours.

She peeled her shirt away from the wound, reminding herself that between her and Castiel, it was far better that she, with her limitless power, sustain the injuries.

Suddenly the bathroom door opened behind her, "Hey, have you seen the – oh! Sorry, I thought you were my daughter!" Kim turned to leave Hannah alone, then whipped back around, eyes going wide, "Holy crap!"

Hannah frowned in confusion, then realised that, as far as this woman was concerned, a virtual stranger was bleeding to death in her bathroom. "Oh," she started, but Kim cut her off:

"God, we've gotta get you to a hospital!"

"It's fine," Hannah tried to assure her, "don't worry about it."

Kim shook her head, "You're gunna need some serious stitches. Why didn't you say anything last night?"

"I didn't realise," Hannah said honestly, "I must have severed several nerve endings."

“Oh Jesus!” Kim came forward to examine her wound closer, worrying her lip with her teeth, “It looks real serious. I have a First Aid kit in the kitchen, let me just-”

Hannah sighed. The last few days had left her feeling tightly-wound and she was itching to get back on the road the moment Castiel was on his feet. She had neither the time nor the inclination to play the Hapless Injured Human when she could be searching for her brothers and sisters. She turned back to the mirror, “It's alright, Kim, really.” She hovered one hand over her wound and watched as the bright light of her grace stitched the skin back together. Then she cleaned the blood from her clothes and moved to pick up her shirt from where she'd discarded it on the floor.

Kim was frozen in the doorway, eyes even wider than before. “What...?”

Something twisted in Hannah as she buttoned up her shirt – something born of the long months she'd been locked out of her home, floundering with no one to guide her and wanting to scream for the vast universe she'd lost.

That something was bubbling up and opening her mouth before she could stop it: “The world is big, Kim. Bigger than you could imagine.”

Kim shook her head. She had a grip on the door so tight her knuckles were completely bloodless. “I don't understand.”

“I'm an angel,” Hannah told her.

“An angel?”

“Yes.”

Kim's eyes darted from side to side as though expecting Hannah to attack her at any moment, clearly under the impression that she'd invited an insane person into her home. Hannah sighed, “You humans dream of the unknown and the impossible every day yet refuse to accept it when it walks straight through your front door.” She gestured to her now unmarked hip, “Is this not enough for you?”

“No no no,” Kim huffed a mirthless laugh, “I'm dreaming, or I hit my head or something...”

Hannah knew she shouldn't. Saying even this much had been a mistake. But it felt so _good_ to be honest for once, to throw aside the mask she'd been wearing since she took possession of Caroline. She stepped away from the mirror, looked Kim in the eye, and unfurled her wings.

It was still painful – damaged skin brushed against the tiled walls and she couldn't hold back a wince. She kept her eyes trained on Kim so she wouldn't have to see the ragged feathers fluttering to the ground. Even after all this time she was still breaking apart.

Kim sat down heavily on the rim of the bathtub and Hannah folded her wings away again. They were stiff from disuse and settled back into place with several stabs of pain. She sat next to Kim, who was staring at the floor, her face pale. “Holy crap.”

“You're not dreaming,” Hannah said, “or mad. In fact your eyes are finally opening.”

“What happened?”

Hannah looked at her, “Excuse me?”

“You're wings... they're all frayed...”

Hannah looked at her. Humans were such an enigma – show them something that would permanently alter their world view and they would inevitably home in on the tiniest, most insignificant detail.

“We were cast out,” she said, “my companion and I and all our siblings, we were ripped from our home. Our wings didn't survive the fall.”

“You're friend downstairs,” Kim said slowly, “He's also...”

“Yes.”

“You're both shut out of Heaven?”

“We got back eventually, but the damage is irreversible.” Hannah sighed, leaning her elbows on her knees. “I am trying to find all the wayward angels still scattered down here, to bring them home where they belong.”

“Woah,” Kim said, “I... I'm sorry.”

“What for?”

“All that's happened to you. It... it sounds awful.”

“It was.” Her eyes were suddenly stinging and she blinked irritably. She'd never talked about The Fall like this. Not with her brothers and sisters, not even Castiel. It was making her all twisted up inside but it felt... it felt cleansing.

She glanced at Kim, “You're very calm.”

“Probably just shock,” Kim said, “Give me an hour or two I'll start screaming the place down.”

Suddenly all Hannah wanted was to give Kim that hour. To let it sink in and help her adjust. She barely knew this woman but she was _listening_ , offering sympathy rather than sticking a blade to Hannah's throat. Hannah wanted to tell her what else was out in the world and all the things she'd seen when she'd had her wings, to awe her with all the stories she could tell.

This had been a mistake.

“I should go check on Castiel,” she said, rising. Kim stood too with a hand on Hannah's arm.

“Where are you going to go?” She asked.

“I don't know. But my brothers and sisters are still out there and I need to find them.”

“Couldn't...” Kim ducked her head, “I mean, you're friend seems pretty sick and your car could really do with some more work. Can't you stick around for a bit?”

Castiel _could_ use the rest, no matter what he said. Hannah was surprised how easily she could picture it – helping Kim around the house, answering all her questions about angels, getting to know her daughter. Just... _being_ , for a while, without worrying about Heaven or herself.

She sighed. She was first and foremost a soldier, and a soldier never abandoned her post in the middle of a mission. “I can't. I'm sorry. And I'm sorry for this.”

Kim frowned, “Huh?”

Hannah touched two fingers to her forehead and her eyes fluttered closed, swaying on her feet. Then she blinked, shook her head slightly, and her eyes landed on Hannah. “Oh! Sorry, am I interrupting?”

“Not at all,” Hannah told her, “I was just about to go check on my companion.”

“Right,” Kim nodded, “You're ride's good to go whenever.”

“Thank you,” Hannah said sincerely. She put a hand on Kim's arm, “for everything.”

Kim frowned slightly, “Uh, sure. Not a problem. Um... I'm sure I came here for something...”

“You were looking for your daughter, I believe.”

“Right! Yes, of course,” she smiled, “I'll let you get to your friend.”

Hannah watched her leave, a hollow feeling in her chest. She should have just let herself get taken to hospital and stitched up, that hadn't been fair to Kim. Human memory was an alarmingly malleable thing, and she'd suffer no ill effect from having those last few minutes erased. Hannah kept telling herself that as she made her way downstairs but it didn't make her feel any better.

Castiel was awake and talking to the daughter when she arrived in the living room. Soon after Kim joined her and something tugged in Hannah's chest at the distantly polite way she spoke to her. By the time they were back in the Lincoln and Kim's house was fading into the distance, she felt just as exhausted as Castiel.


	5. "Everything's going to be fine."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Missing conversation from 10x07

“Caroline?”

_Hannah._

“I'm sorry I had to do that.”

_Had to? You didn't HAVE to do that._

“He wouldn't leave any other way.”

_Couldn't you have told him the truth?_

“Do you really think he would have believed me?”

_You could have convinced him! Convinced him like you convinced me!”_

“Those circumstances were very different. I wasn't inhabiting a vessel, for one thing. All he would have seen was his wife making wild excuses.”

_He loves me, he'd have listened._

“He would have assumed you mad.”

_Well now he hates me._

“He doesn't hate you, Caroline.”

_He thinks I ran off with another man without even telling him._ I'd _hate me for that_.

“I am truly sorry.”

_Right._

“Really.”

_Hannah, I've been awake this whole time. You don't care who's life you mess up._

“That's not true.”

_Then why are so set on getting all the other angels back to Heaven, even the ones that don't want to go? Why can't you just leave them alone?_

“I'm just trying to do the right thing.”

_The right thing for whom? For them or for you?_

“For Heaven.”

_What does that even mean?_

“You don't understand-”

_Then tell me._

“Caroline...”

_No. Why is it so important to you that everyone does what you tell them? You're not God-_

“No, I'm not. But my father is gone and in his absence everything has been torn down. Heaven is all we'd ever known, Caroline, and our duty was all we had. When the Apocalypse was averted we had _nothing_ ; no orders and no direction and no idea how we were supposed to move forward into a future that was never supposed to exist. We were lost, Caroline, and from that chaos came angels who wanted to manipulate us all for our own ends, who didn't care at all about humanity. I'm trying to put everything right because no one else will. We may have been stripped of our wings but we don't have to lose out home as well.”

_I..._ _I'm sorry._

“As am I. It... felt wrong, hurting your husband that way. Hurting you.”

_I suppose I agreed to all this. Bit late to complain now._

“You didn't truly understand what you were taking on when you let me possess you. It was unfair.”

_...Yeah._

“My father loved you very much, you know.”

_What?_

“Humans were by far his most treasured creation. It is every angel's mission to protect you... at least that was how we started.”

_Including wiping us all out in Armageddon?_

“That was what was supposed to happen. We do not question our father's will.”

_And you all just accept that?_

“Most of us. Those who didn't were cast out or fell.”

_How can you just go along with something like that?_

“I am an angel. I follow orders.”

_Not any more you don't_.

“You have been listening to Castiel too much.”

_You haven't been listening to him enough. You can't lie to me, Hannah, we share a body. I know that you don't need to shower and there's no purpose to be found in watching the stars. Yet you do it anyway._

“Caroline...”

_You can't tell me that you haven't changed. I know you have._

“There are... certain joys to be found down here. A certain satisfaction in making decisions myself.”

_So why are you still acting like you're nothing but a foot soldier?_

“What else can I do?”

_Are you really asking?_

“...No. But how can I stand in front of my brothers and sisters and ask them to follow me?”

_Because you still remember why you were created. You're not like Metatron; you just want to put an end to the fighting._

“You think that will be enough?”

_When humans are scared we look to the person brave enough to stand up and take charge._

“We are not human.”

_But you are all used to following orders._

“Free will is suffocating.”

_It's not all bad._

“...I am sorry. Not just for today – I should never have taken you from your family.”

_Not your fault, I didn't have to say yes._

“But in taking vessels we deny human's the very things that we are chasing after. I forced you to leave your home, I took away _your_ free will. How does that comply with our guardianship of you?”

_God works in mysterious ways, huh?_

“Do you wish to be with your husband again?”

_...Yes. I'm sorry._

“You have nothing to apologise for.”

_...Hannah? What is it?_

“Don't worry Caroline. Everything's going to be fine. I'll make sure of that.”


	6. "This isn't exactly what I had in mind."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everybody lives/fallen!Hannah AU. Charlie/Hannah established relationship. Charlie takes Hannah LARPing.

Hannah stared down dubiously at the outfit that Charlie had thrust into her arms. “Is all this chain mail really necessary?”

“Of course!” Charlie said, throwing her cloak around her shoulders, “You don't wanna get stabbed do you?”

“I don't think wooden swords could do me any harm,” Hannah said, “Even without my grace.”

Charlie rolled her eyes, amused, “It's make-believe Hannah. Just go with it.”

Hannah furrowed her brow, shaking out her heavy outfit and holding it up to inspect it closer. “Why would you want to pretend that you're in a medieval war? You know medical knowledge in those days was very poor, any injury in battle could prove fatal.”

“People do it for lots of reasons.” Charlie shrugged and turned to face the mirror, adjusting her own outfit, “Some just like the atmosphere, it's really easy to make friends here. Some people like getting hands on with the history – I've got a few pHD students in my army, they're a super good resource when we're not sure how something should look. Though of course, we take a few liberties. With the fatal diseases and the amputating limbs and all.”

“And the bad hygiene.”

“And the bad hygiene. That's one part of the past that can stay put.”

“What else?” Hannah asked.

“Well... some people use it as an escape, you know? They wanna get away from lives that are either dull or horrible and just... just be someone else for a while. Someone who matters.” She was staring at her own reflection thoughtfully, “I should know. I used to be one of them.”

Hannah took a tentative step towards her, “You've always mattered, Charlie.”

“Thank you,” Charlie turned to face her, “It's just... everything is so huge and so unstoppable that... that's kinda hard to believe sometimes, you know?”

“This world – humanity – isn't made by grand gestures or by re-writing the book,” Hannah told her, “Trust me, I've watched it all unfold. It's made by small actions. By a good heart and courage in the face of hardship. In your insignificance you matter far more than any cosmic war ever could.”

Charlie put a hand on Hannah's cheek and pulled her in for a kiss. Hannah responded, draping her arms over Charlie's shoulders as their lips moved languidly together. Hannah could live out the rest of her now-mortal life and never be used to the way Charlie tasted, to how perfectly they slotted against one another.

Charlie broke the kiss and backed up enough to be able to look at Hannah, sliding her arms around her waist.

Hannah smiled at her, “We've been in here rather a long time,” she said, “You're subjects will start talking.”

“You're my personal guard,” Charlie said, “you're just taking extra steps to ensure no harm comes to me.”

“I wouldn't want to ruin your reputation.”

Charlie snorted, “Yeah, I think that ship sailed the day Sam and Dean tried to work their FBI act here. I mean we all spend our weekends doing reenactments, some of us cosplay, did they really think they'd get away with it?” She rolled her eyes again and Hannah smiled at her exasperation. She was about to lean in again when the tent flap opened and red faced young man dressed as what Hannah thought was a squire stumbled in.

“Your Majesty!”

Charlie slid her hands to a more respectable position on Hannah's shoulders, “What is it, Talgar?”

“The Shadow Orcs, ma'am,” he gasped, out of breath, “They're launching an attack on the village!”

“How long before they arrive?”

“Salran estimates no more than 20 minutes, ma'am.”

“Very good. Assemble the troops.”

“Yes Your Majesty.”

“You know 'troops' wasn't used to refer to soldiers until the 16th century,” Hannah told Charlie as Talgar left, “It's rather anachronistic to be using it in a medieval setting.”

“We're about to do battle with orcs,” Charlie said, “I think accuracy has taken a backseat.”

“Authenticity makes suspension of disbelief easier.”

“Alright, alright,” Charlie grinned, “You coming or what? We could really use you.”

Hannah hesitated, “I...”

“You said you missed being on the battlefield.”

“This isn't exactly what I had in mind.”

“No, but it's probably safer.” Charlie squeezed Hannah's shoulder with one hand, “You okay?”

“Yes,” Hannah said automatically. She knew that being nervous was beyond ridiculous, that no genuine harm could come to her or Charlie. But... this was Charlie's world. She had friends, she had a whole life here. Hannah wanted so badly to be able to slot neatly into that...

“You don't have to come if you don't want to,” Charlie said gently, seeming to sense Hannah's wariness, “You can stay here, there's plenty of domestic kingdom crap that needs doing.”

Hannah looked at Charlie's earnest expression. She shook her head, “No. No, I said I wanted to try knew things. I think this qualifies.”

“You sure?”

Hannah planted a chaste kiss on the corner of Charlie's mouth, “I'm sure.”

“Okay,” Charlie nodded, “Get your armour on, I'll meet you out on the square.”

A little over 5 minutes later Hannah was standing at her Queen's side, facing Moondoor's soldiers. They were a rather uninspiring, skinny bunch, but Hannah kept that thought to herself. Their victory was important to the game, no point crushing morale.

She watched, intrigued, as the situation was relayed and everyone took cover, hoping to ambush the Shadow Orcs as they rode into the village. Charlie grabbed Hannah's hand and pulled her into one of the tents.

“Are you sure it's a good idea for the Queen to be fighting?” Hannah asked as they lay in wait, “What if you get killed or kidnapped? Surely that would only escalate the conflict?”

“We're at the back, aren't we?” Charlie replied, “Besides, if Jim Kirk can do it, then so can I.”

Hannah was still trying to remember who Jim Kirk was when the first of the orcs arrived.

The battle was more... energetic that Hannah had pictured. Everyone threw themselves into the fray with gusto, spell bags flying and wooden swords clacking together. She was genuinely impressed with some of the swordsmanship and tactical knowledge being demonstrated on both sides. At first she stuck close to Charlie, only attacking when an orc got close enough to fire a dark magic spell. Then someone came at Charlie from behind and swung her over their shoulder, pelting off towards the forest. Charlie shrieked dramatically, calling for help as she was whisked away and Hannah was forced to talk off after them, hurling herself at the orc just as they past the tree line. They all landed in a confused heap and the orc's teeth flew out and across the grass.

“Hold!”

Hannah clambered off her back and Charlie sat up as the orc – a muscular woman a few years older then them – crawled forward to retrieve her teeth.

“Hey, nice tackle man,” she told Hannah as she brushed the grass off her teeth.

“Thank you.”

“Only the very best for my Honour Guard,” Charlie said with a smirk.

The abrupt change made Hannah's head spin; fierce combat to friendly banter in barely a second. How did all these people slip in and out of character so easily?

“Alright,” the orc said, “I had a hold of you.”

“But my guard had a hold of you,” Charlie reminded her. She conceded, and they all got back into position, Charlie calling the cue to resume.

The rest of the three-way fight was a heated struggle that ended almost half a mile into the woods when Charlie caught the orc in the face with a teleportation spell. Hannah watched as she ran off deeper into the woods, “Where does she have to go?”

“Back to the centre of the Shadow Realm,” Charlie said, “As for us, we have some asses to save.”

They turned and headed back towards the clearing, arriving in time to help chase off the last handful of orcs. After that there was a lot of cheering and hailing the Queen and Charlie shoving Hannah forward, proclaiming her her saviour, and calls for mead that turned out to be honey water. The sense of comradeship was not unlike the aftermath of real battles that Hannah had been in, only lacking the sting of lives lost. She was surprised how much it warmed her.

Dusk was falling by the time she and Charlie were back in their normal clothes and heading out of the park.

“So,” Charlie asked her, “What do you think?”

Hannah smiled, “I had fun.”

“Told ya.”

“You are all very committed. It's... engaging.”

“Hey,” Charlie linked their arms, “go big or go home.”

“Is that a human phrase?”

“Hey, guys!”

They both turned to see a woman hurrying towards them. Hannah squinted at her familiar profile.

“Hey,” she said as she drew level with them, and Hannah recognised her as the orc that had attempted to kidnap Charlie – now with normal sized ears and her hair loose around her face.

“Oh, uh... Toloch, right?” Charlie asked. “Well, obviously not really, but...”

She nodded, “That's right. I just wanted to say you two make a hell of a team. That was a great fight.”

Charlie grinned, “My girlfriend here is a secret badass. I'm Charlie. This is Hannah.”

“Allison.”

“Nice to meet you, Allison.”

“I was, uh, wondering if you guys wanted to catch up sometime? Out of the game I mean.”

Charlie grinned, looking to Hannah for conformation before saying, “We'd love to. So long as your not trying to get Moondoor secrets out of us.”

Allison laughed, “Don't worry, the orcs aren't nearly organised enough for that. Why do you think we're always losing?”

Once they'd exchanged numbers and were going their separate ways, Charlie nudged Hannah with her shoulder, “Not bad for a days work, huh?”

“No.” Hannah felt like she was buzzing, “Not bad at all.”


	7. "Are you flirting with me?"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> High school AU. Pre Meg/Hannah.

Hannah shifted from foot to foot, peering yet again across the courtyard. Castiel might be coming from the other side of the building but he should have arrived by now – it wasn't like him to dawdle or get distracted talking to other students. Unless...

She'd seen him several times over the past month with that green eyed boy from his religious studies class. From the look that had been on his face every one of those times, she suspects that that boy was one person Cas would be prepared to break his habits for.

She folded her arms crossly, glaring at the ground. Surely Cas wouldn't blow her off? She wasn't even a month and a half out of being home schooled and her cousin was still pretty much all she had. He had plenty of time to get all gooey over handsome classmates after the school day was over.

"You waitin' for a ride there, cupcake?"

Hannah turned around to see a dark haired woman wandering up to her. She had a round face and a cocky smile and... Hannah didn't think she'd ever seen someone _saunter_ in real life before.

"Excuse me?" She asked.

"You've been pacing that spot for fifteen minutes," the woman said, "you know the curb crawlers tend to stay out of sight of the building full of protective adults, right?"

Hannah felt her face flush and she turned away, saying shortly, "I'm waiting for my cousin."

"I'll bet."

"Can I help you?" Hannah asked, turning back to the woman, whose grin grew, if anything, even wider.

"Just breaks my heart to see a little kitten look so lost."

"Don't patronise me," Hannah snapped. She returned to scanning the crowd for Castiel, though he was still nowhere to be seen.

"Wow. Got a little spice under all that vanilla, I like. I'm Meg."

Hannah glanced over her shoulder at her, looking for something to suggest that 'Meg' was messing with her. All she saw was a challenging smile.

"Hannah."

"You're Clarence's little protégée, right?"

"Who?"

"That do-gooder Castiel.”

“Oh. Yes, I suppose so.”

Meg chuckled, taking a few steps forward until she was shoulder to shoulder with Hannah. She seemed to ooze confidence, from her sleek hair to her skinny jeans and heeled boots. Hannah felt like she was shrinking in on herself just standing next to her.

“I saw him earlier,” Meg said, “going all heart eyes over Dean Winchester. You might be here for the long hall.”

Hannah remained silent. She didn't know whether Meg was telling the truth or just trying to screw with her but she still felt a wave annoyance at Castiel. This Dean better really be something.

“Why don't you come kill some time with us, save you wearing out those sensible shoes of yours.”

Hannah frowned at Meg, “Why would you want that?”

The smirk was back in full force. “I've seen you around. You're so pure it's adorable. I can never resist the adorable ones.”

Hannah stared at her, “Are you flirting with me?”

For some reason Meg seemed to find this hilarious – she burst into a peel of laughter that had her doubling over. Hannah waited, confused and slightly affronted, until Meg calmed down and wiped her eyes. “And you complain about being called 'kitten',” she said, “Just come light one up with us, I promise to keep my hands to myself.”

There was silence as Hannah debated. She shouldn't go with her, she knew. She should just wait for Castiel to finally show and pass the lunch break on the benches, her squeaky clean reputation intact. But she'd be lying if she said she wasn't intrigued by the idea, not to mention slightly blown away that Meg had even noticed her.

She sighed, “Fine.” Screw Castiel. He had abandoned her, let him be worried sick for a while when he eventually couldn't find her.

Meg smiled and linked her arm with Hannah's, leading her off across the courtyard. Hannah felt sure that there were eyes on them all the way, probably wondering what two such polar opposites could possibly be doing together, though it was equally likely that she was just background static to them all next to Meg. She wasn't entirely sure which she'd prefer.

Meg led her to the football field and round underneath the bleachers. There, slumped against the support columns, were two more students – a tanned woman with large, dark eyes and a tight leather jacket and another with short blonde hair. They were passing a cigarette back and forth between them and glanced up as Meg and Hannah approached.

The dark haired woman raised an eyebrow. “New pet project?” she asked.

“Call it an investment. This is Hannah; Hannah – Ruby and, well, Meg.”

The blonde woman grinned, “I'm Meg 1, she's Meg 2.”

“Say it all you want, it doesn’t change the fact that _I'm_ Meg 1.”

“I was here first!”

“I'm older.”

Ruby rolled her eyes, “What does that matter, Miner, your both children.” She looked Hannah, “You're Castiel's little hanger on, aren't you?”

“Well...”

“What?” blonde Meg huffed a laugh, “You couldn't snare Cas so your going after junior?”

“Shut up Masters.”

“What do you mean?” Hannah asked, glancing between them all. Three pairs of eyes settled on her and three similar expressions of amusement soon followed.

“Wow,” Ruby all but drawled, “Big bro never tell about his little tryst with Miner?”

“He's my cousin actually. And no?”

“Uh oh.” The three of them smirked and Hannah had to resist the urge to squirm in embarrassment. Was this true? Castiel had been telling her to toe the line and keep her head down almost every day and he hadn't ever thought to share something like this with her?

She looked to Meg Miner, “Is this why you brought me here?”

Meg grinned, “Relax, cupcake, you're your own woman.”

“Drag?” Ruby proffered the half-gone cigarette. Hannah took it, annoyed at Castiel for treating her like some child that needed coddling and annoyed at herself for being so hung up on obeying rules that a bunch of absent adults had laid down for her.

“Stop calling me cupcake,” she said, lifting the butt to her lips.


	8. "Must be a day ending in y."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Post season 10 finale. Hannah tears the Winchesters a new one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today I had FEELINGS about the latter half of season 10 (well... more than usual) and this happened because I can't actually haul off and punch Singer/Carver in the face.
> 
> Could be taken as a sequel to Chapter 3.

"I didn't know this was gunna happen!"

Hannah glared at him and remained silent.

"Neither of us did. Trust me, we spent months researching the mark, nothing even _suggested_ that-" Hannah turned her icy stare onto him and he trailed off, shifting uncomfortably. The was a prolonged stare down: Hannah versus the Winchesters.

Dean was the first to crack. "Look, I'm sorry, okay? You think I wanted this?"

"I think," Hannah said, "That the Horseman gave you the opportunity to leave this planet, to go beyond the reach of even the most powerful magic. And yet here you still are."

"He asked me to kill my brother!"

"And you decided that your brother was more important than the balance of the universe? Than every other life on this planet?"

"That's not fair," Sam interjected.

"Isn't it?"

"If you were told to kill Cas, could you do it?" He asked.

"If every single one of my father's creations were in my hands I would not consider it a choice! Neither would Castiel."

Dean scoffed. "Yeah, well. Your family's always been a bunch of cold-hearted SOBs."

Something suspiciously like a snarl tore from Hannah's throat. "You two have been instrumental in saving the world multiple times according to Castiel," she said, "I won't pretend that I still consider that interfering. But that does not give you license to act like gods." Sam opened his mouth to interrupt and she silenced him with a glower, "You do not get to pick and choose who is to be protected and who is mere collateral damage. Especially when the two of you seem to be the only ones you have any interest in saving."

"Hey!" Dean snapped, "Don't talk like you understand us, you don't even know us!"

"Oh? So dear Charlie didn't recently die in the service of keeping you ali-" She was cut off as she suddenly found herself slammed back against the wall, her head bouncing painfully and Dean's hands fisting in her collar.

"Don't talk about her like that. _Ever_." His voice was a low, dangerous growl, "You think we're okay with that? You think we wouldn't do _anything_ to have her back with us?"

"We didn't force her into anything," Sam said, "she made her choices because she wanted Dean safe as much as anyone."

Hannah glanced at him. He hadn't moved but now he was hunched over, a haunted look in his eyes. She looked back to Dean, observing the anger rolling off him, the aggressive clench of his fingers round her shirt.

She could turn him to dust with a snap of her fingers. One flash of her grace and the Winchesters would never be seen again. But no – they had made this mess and now they needed to help clean it up.

"Charlene was hardly the first was she?" She looked between them, "You tear yourselves apart with guilt over the friends you lose but you never stop engendering them for your own ends." She took Dean's hands and twisted, forcing him to release her. He sank to his knees with a grunt of pain and Hannah stared down at him. "The Winchesters cross yet another line just so they can stay together. Must be a day ending in y."

She finally released Dean and he stumbled upright, retreating to join Sam.

"We're not bad people," Sam said, "we've saved this planet more than anyone, you said it yourself."

"Sam," Hannah sighed, "are you really going to stand here and try and sort the entire world into neatly defined categories? After all you've seen surely you can't be that naive. Especially you Dean."

Dean frowned, "What do you mean?"

"Your vampire friend? A creature you would normally kill on sight became one of your most trusted allies."

"How do you know about Benny?"

"I run Heaven. There is nothing I cannot find out."

"What's your point?" Sam asked.

Hannah leveled him with a steely expression, "My point is that you two can be great assets, to Earth and Heaven. But as it stands you have started causing more harm than good."

"Look, we can fix this."

"I hope so. You've earned the chance to try. If you succeed, if you manage to defeat The Darkness... then I will decide what is to be done with you.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Sam asked.

"The two of you have broken almost every jail Heaven has ever devised. I won't pretend that all of them were your fault but enough were that you clearly cannot be trusted to wander around on your own."

"So, what?" Dean asked, "You're gunna lock us up for the rest of eternity?"

"I don't know. If that's what's best."

"You know, I reckon Cas'd have a thing or two to say about that."

"Castiel is blinded by his affection for you, I do not value his opinion in this matter. Besides, he is one angel, I am the commander of Heaven; he will not be able to stop me."

"Well ain't that just fantastic. Real motivator."

"I don't care what motivates you. Get back to Earth and fix what _you_ broke."

Sam started forward, "Look, Hannah-"

"Dismissed!"

She watched as they both left, anger still curling in her gut. The chances of them surviving this – of _anyone_ surviving this – was almost nothing. But from what she'd heard, the Winchesters had come back from worse odds.

And if they _were_ lucky yet another time? Well... she'd save that bridge for when she reached it.


	9. "Stop trying to cheer me up!"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> High school AU. Kim/Hannah. Teenage pregnancy and jerk ex-boyfriends.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whoops, time ran away from me a little bit here. Apologies for the delay, have a longer fill than normal to make up for it :)

Hannah didn't realise anything was wrong until Kim failed to show up to Mechanics. She wasn't often concerned with keeping a clean record, especially in the summer when the air was warm and the grassy fields long, but she always showed up when there were engines to play with.

Hannah was fairly certain she knew what was wrong. It took all her energy to remain in her seat, pen clutched tightly in her hand and breathing through clenched teeth. If she ran into that asshole before the day was out he'd be limping home.

She gazed at the front of the classroom, trying to look like she was paying attention to Professor Singer. Not that it made a difference – she didn't have a hope of passing this class. She would have never had agreed to take it if Kim hadn't begged her so passionately.

Mechanics was, unfortunately, only the penultimate class of the day. Kim wouldn't be around next period either and Hannah was loathe to leave her moping by herself for a whole hour further. She spent the final ten minutes of the lesson chewing on her lip, obedient instincts warring with an intense need to find her friend and make sure she was okay.

She was still battling herself when the bell rang and she stalled for a minute, shifting around the contents of her bag. Just as she was finally swinging it onto her shoulder, Professor Singer looked over and said, "No sign of Kim today."

"Uh, no. She... went home. Sick."

"Too bad. Tell her to kick it up the ass, you hear?"

"Um, yes." Hannah hurried from the room with the impression that she'd just had two conversations at once.

Professor Singer was a bit of a mystery to everyone – the constant presence of his grubby trucker hat brought a steady stream of disapproval from his colleges and there was always a new rumour circulating about his supposed alcoholism. But Hannah had long suspected that there more going on with him than everyone else assumed. She still remembered the first time she'd mentioned this to Kim – her eyes had lit up instantly and she'd spent the next half hour babbling about what a mechanical genius he was. Her outpouring of enthusiasm had left Hannah feeling warm for hours.

Well, whether either of them were right or not, Professor Singer had just told her to go find her friend. She couldn't say no to a teacher now, could she?

She headed down the corridor, trying to look casual as she went in completely the wrong direction. Almost a year ago Kim had shown her the broken section of gate around the back of the science blocks where she always made her escapes. To her relief, no one paid her any attention as she made a beeline across the courtyard, though it didn't stop her heart hammering in her chest. Once there she squeezed through the small opening and straightened up, peering around the open field and wondering which of Kim's numerous hideaways she should check first.

If she was right about the root of her friend's upset, then Kim would be feeling insecure and in need of a high hill where she could look out over the town. She always said that seeing everything laid out beneath her made her feel somehow more connected to it all.

Hannah pulled a wood chip out of her hair and set off round the side of the school towards the open hills that bordered the town.

She found Kim huddled against the trunk of a huge tree. Hannah walked up and settled herself down beside her, their shoulders almost touching, and for several minutes they sat in silence. Kim's knees were curled up almost to her chest, over-sized hoodie hanging off her shoulders and around her thighs so her stomach was hidden. That was all Hannah needed to confirm her suspicions. Anger bubbled in her gut and she forced it down – this wasn't the time.

"I'm sorry," she said at last.

"Not your fault."

"I know, but..."

Kim sniffed, "This sucks. It's not like I'm asking him to freaking _marry_ me or anything. Just, you know..."

"Finish what he started?"

Kim's mouth twitched. It was barely anything but it still made Hannah's heart soar. "Yeah. Exactly."

Hannah hesitated, not wanting to speak out of turn and upset Kim further, "Do you... want to be in a relationship with him?"

"I can't raise this kid on my own!" Kim snapped, "Look at me, I can barely hold myself together!"

"Kim, you are the most self-sufficient person I've ever met. If you decided to raise your child alone you would do so amazingly."

She sighed, irritated, "Stop trying to cheer me up."

"I'm not trying to cheer you up, I'm telling you the truth."

Kim said nothing and it was Hannah's turn to sigh. "In any case, I'm not suggesting you take this all on your own shoulders," she said, "I'm only asking if Stanley is really the person you want to share this with."

"Doesn't matter what I want, he's run for the hills."

"You're avoiding the question."

"Hannah-"

"Kim."

"No, alright!" Suddenly Kim's voice was rising in anger, "I hate Stan, he was a crappy boyfriend and now he's a coward and I don't want my kid to have _him_ as a father. But I don't see what other choice I have, I'm too young to do it alone and who the hell is going to make that kind of commitment? It sucks and wish it wasn't happening and now I can't even go to prom 'cause no one wants to get saddled with the dumb pregnant girl."

"I'll go to prom with you," Hannah said without thinking. Then she immediately started panicking, searching for a way to backtrack because now Kim was giving her a _look_ and Hannah had no idea what it meant and how could she have let that out of her mouth? "I mean, we can show up together. Everyone sees me as a teachers pet and a snitch, it's not as though anyone's lining up to ask me either."

"Right. Yeah, uh... thanks." Kim looked away, returning her attention to the view spread out before them. They lapsed into awkward silence.

"You don't need to settle for Stanley," Hannah said quietly after a while, "you're a brilliant woman, Kim. Someday soon someone worth you will see that."

"Yeah. Then they'll see the baby and hightail it away faster than you can say _autoshop_. My folks might not be kicking me out but they sure as shit won't be helping me either, so until the kid gets to college age I'm pretty boned." She let out a prolonged sigh, "Guess I can chuck out the plans for that Garage."

"No!" Hannah whipped around to look at her, "Fixing vehicles is what you've always wanted to do! You're so gifted at Mechanics, you're the top of the class."

"Yeah, well," Kim started pulling grass out of the ground, "shit happens."

Suddenly something in Hannah's head clicked into place. She mirrored Kim's posture, tucking her knees under her chin and trying to blink away the stinging in her eyes. Stanley had hell to pay and if she hadn't cared more about her friend's well-being she'd be marching off to find him right that minute.

"It's not your fault that this happened," she said gently.

Kim shot her a weird look, "Yeah, thanks, I _know_ that."

"Then why are you punishing yourself like this?" Kim opened her mouth to argue and Hannah pushed on, "If you looked at yourself objectively then you would see that you are more than capable of bringing up a child and you certainly wouldn't be surrendering your dream just because you have a knew obstacle to overcome – you'd be finding a solution just like you've been doing all your life."

"This isn't teaching myself how to drive or helping bail my brother out of prison, Hannah! This is raising a child!"

"And when the time comes you know, and I know, that you will rise to the occasion," Hannah insisted, emotion bubbling up into her voice, "but you are terrified and blaming yourself so you're using Stanley's cowardice as a scapegoat. You made a mistake, Kim, and now you are dealing with the consequences and you will not let it ruin your life, I know you won't because I've known you my whole life and I know how capable you are. Kim, I-" She slammed her mouth shut. _Crap_. She almost let her tongue run away on her, almost admitted what she'd been holding silently to for years. "I... care for you very much. If you really do need help then you know that I will be there for you. Don't let this ruin you."

Kim stared at her, eyes wide and shining. Hannah refused to break eye contact, trying to make Kim believe her through sheer force of will. Eventually Kim ducked her head, pulling the sleeves of her hoodie down over her hands. "I wouldn't..." she said, "I can't ask you to get involved Hannah. You have plans too."

Hannah let her head fall back against the tree, staring out across the town. "I know I don't talk about it. But I think we both know that I don't want to follow in my family's footsteps any more." _Because of you_ , she didn't say, _you pulled me into life and staying with you sounds like a better future than I ever had before_.

"You'd really stay and help?"

"You know I would."

Kim sighed and mumbled something that sounded suspiciously like "fuck it". Out of the corner of her eye Hannah saw her shift so she twisted herself to face her.

Then Kim was kissing her.

It started out more of a painful clash of noses, but then Kim took hold of Hannah's face inelegantly and tilted to one side and then... _wow_. Kim's lips were dry but warm where they moved against Hannah's. She shuffled forward, crowding right into Hannah's space as her mouth claimed her eagerly. For a crucial second Hannah was frozen in place, too alarmed to react. Then Kim ran her hands up her arms to her shoulders, trailing fire in her wake and suddenly Hannah's brain was nothing but white noise and the vaguely metallic smell that Kim always carried with her. She sprang to life, parting her lips to deepen their kiss. A soft, alarmed noise escaped the back of her throat and a second later Kim pulled back, breathing hard, hands still locked on Hannah's shoulders.

A string of rather muddled thoughts ran through Hannah's head: _woah_ and _what just happened?_ and _please do that again_ and then _why did you stop?_

She finally managed to focus on Kim, who was staring at her with an equally dazed look on her face.

"Alright," Kim said, "if that was just, like an automatic reaction or a spur of the moment thing then please tell me now because-"

Hannah knocked her hands out of her way and leaned back in. Kim responded instantly, a huff of air that could have been a laugh ghosting across Hannah's mouth as they melted into each other. Hannah wound her arms around Kim and pulled her half onto her lap, her head reeling as it finally sunk in that _she was making out with her best friend_. How many times had she thought about this? How many hours lost to daydreams of dark ponytails and grease-streaked shirts?

Oxygen was starting to become a serious issue. Hannah was willing to ignore it but then Kim was pulling back again, babbling "Hannah, are you sure you know what your getting into here? I – I'm _pregnant_ and you -"

"Would be here even if I thought this would never happen," Hannah interrupted. She put her hands either side of Kim's face, heart skipping several beats at the sight of Kim leaning into her touch. "Which was my assumption until a few moments ago. Kim, we've been friends all our lives, do you really imagine I would discard that in your time of need?"

"Why didn't you ever say anything?" Kim asked, "about... this?"

"Why didn't you?"

"I..." Kim bites her lip and Hannah thinks she catches the words she can't say. That this was as serious for her as it was for Hannah.

She felt the need to reassure her again, "This isn't pity. Or a challenge or anything else. This is..."

Kim reached out and took her hand, flashing her a watery smile. "Yeah. Me too."

When they came back together their kiss was slow, unhurried. Hannah slid a hand into Kim's hair, breathing deep as though she could absorb Kim into her. This time, when they had to back off for air, they stayed close, foreheads touching and fringes tangling so Hannah couldn't tell whose hair was in her eyes.

"So," Kim said, "Can we stop pretending that we don't want to be each others dates to prom now?"

Hannah smiled, pulse leaping when Kim did the same. "I think that would be best."


	10. "You want me to do what?"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Coda for 10x17. Hannah in a male vessel, so identified as he/him.

"You want me to do  _what?_ "

Hannah folded his arms and met Bobby's incredulous gaze. Ever since the ex-hunter had been marched out of Heaven earlier that day he had had clearly been braced for the consequences of the chaos he had caused, whatever they turned out to be.

Hannah had seen his file, knew of the years he'd unjustly spent in hell. The knowledge had made it far easier to push aside his anger.

"I want you," he repeated, "to start working for us."

Bobby was silent, as if checking he really had heard what he thought he'd heard. Then he barked a gruff laugh. "What, you winged bastards can't solve your own screw ups any more?"

Hannah bristled, "We've 'screwed up' nothing."

"Then why the sudden recruitment ad?"

"You caused us a lot of trouble today," Hannah said, "escaping your heaven and causing enough confusion to take the scribe from under our noses. The damage control will take weeks and if my brother loses Metatron then who knows what he could do?"

"Dean and Sam needed him out," Bobby said, "those boys might be morons but they're family. You think I'm gunna leave 'em out in the cold when they ask for help?"

"Of course not," Hannah said, "that's not the point. You're actions, while reckless and extremely dangerous, handled both us and the other souls you released." He pursed his lips, having to force this out, "I'm... impressed."

"Thanks." Bobby was clearly on his guard now. Hannah couldn't really blame him. "30 years in the life, stuff kinda comes with the territory."

"Which bring us back to my proposal. I'm concerned."

"What about?"

Hannah sighed. "The Mark of Cain. The lengths Sam and Castiel seem willing to go to. This is an extremely treacherous path and they are all treading it blind. Just because nothing has gone wrong yet doesn't mean that it won't."

"So what do you need me for?" Bobby asked, "I thought you angels were all dyed in the wool soldiers."

Hannah pursed his lips. "There are very old powers at play here. If trouble does arise then we will not be able to ignore humanity in the struggle. I will need a middle man."

"Between here and Topside?"

"Someone adjusted to both angels and humans. The time it would take for anyone of either species to learn is time we do not have."

"Well I'll be." Bobby's tone had turned dry, "Never thought I'd see an angel admitting to something they don't know."

"A good leader recognises weaknesses and solves them. I have no interest in losing any more lives," Hannah said shortly.

Bobby studied him, as though considering his words. Hannah stood his ground, reminding himself one more time that he was making the right decision.

Eventually Bobby said, "Suppose I do agree... what would you want me to do?"

Hannah replied, "For now... be ready. We may never need you."

"But you don't think that'll happen."

"The Winchesters are on the warpath and Metatron is gone. Neither of those are comforting."

"Hey," Bobby snapped, "Sam and Dean are both great boys. They've given their lives for this planet, several times."

Hannah wanted to argue. Wanted to point out that he'd seen the Winchesters' records and felt that, so long as Dean bore the Mark, there was every reason to worry. But this wasn't the time – not when he needed Bobby's compliance.

“Will you help me?”

Bobby was silent for several long moments. Then he sighed, “Fine. But I have some conditions.”

“Of course,” Hannah said, “Name them and I'll consider them.”

“I do go back to Earth I'll need backup I can trust. No offence but you guys don't exactly have the best track record with being honest.”

“Get to the point.”

“Couple of folks I wanna take down with me: John and Mary Winchester.”

Hannah groaned inwardly. More Winchesters, this couldn't possibly go wrong. “Related to Sam and Dean, I assume?”

“Parents. She was raised in the life, I taught him everything he knows. They'll be assets, believe me.”

All in all, Hannah thought to himself, there were far higher prices to pay. “Alright. John and Mary Winchester will be alerted. Hope that I never have to call on any of you again.” He turned to the angel standing guard over Bobby, “Take him back to his Heaven, make sure he says there this time.”

Bobby was herded out, grumbling something that Hannah didn't bother listening to. He sat himself back behind his desk and drummed his fingers on the arm of the chair. Something was stirring, he could _feel_ it. This equilibrium that he'd won back for Heaven wouldn't last long; a calm island in a storm that had been raging ever since the Apocalypse failed to happen.

All he could do was hope, and make sure they were all prepared for the worst.


	11. "It's never too late."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Imagined end for season 11/the show as a whole. Discussion of multiple major character deaths. Hannah/Kim.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to what I really, really freaking hope is the end of a ridiculously long and consuming creative slump. Nothing has been read, nothing has been written for over two months. Fingers crossed for getting back to regular updates.

By the time she pulled into the driveway there wasn't a single part of Hannah that didn't ache.

She'd driven straight through the night, knowing that the exhaustion that had settled into her bones wouldn't be cured by a few hours of sleep. It was the wrong kind of tiredness for that.

She shut the engine off and sat for a moment in the silence. Dawn was just breaking over the trees and shining off the roof of the truck parked to her left. The sight of it made Hannah's heart twist in her chest – the pang of familiarity amid so much strangeness.

She was suddenly gripped with doubt. Should she have come here? It hadn't really been so long ago that she'd pulled out of this very driveway with Castiel at her side but with all that had happened since...

Should she just turn around? Find that motel she'd passed on the way here and pick a new destination in the morning? She could stick a pin in a map, go anywhere and see anything, she had nothing holding her back now.

The thought made her insides twist unpleasantly. She didn't want to go anywhere. She'd already _been_ anywhere – thousands of years looking down on the Earth didn't leave much room for mystery.

No. Right now, further from home than she'd ever been, she needed familiarity. Safety.

She fumbled in one pocket, taking out the now crumbled and torn scrap of paper that Kim had given her all that time ago. Her phone number and the address Hannah now sat outside of were scrawled on it. _H_ _ere_ , Kim had said, pressing it into her hand as she'd walked out the door, _if you ever need anything else fixing._

That day Hannah hadn't doubted for a moment that she would never see this woman or her daughter again. She'd slipped the note into her pocket and forgotten about it.

Now it was her most treasured possession. She almost wished Caroline hadn't died before she'd taken her vessel again, just so she could thank her for not throwing it away.

She realised that her hands were trembling violently and stuffed the note back in her pocket before she could tear it. Her body didn't do what she wanted it to any more. It seemed to almost have had a mind of it's own ever since...

She leaned forward with her head on the steering wheel, trying to coax her body into deep, even breaths. So many small things, things she'd never needed to pay attention to before and were now constantly tripping her up. She'd probably never have the chance to get used to them.

Yet again she wished Castiel were here. He would know how to help her. She closed her eyes, remembering the final hug they'd shared before parting ways. "Go to her," Castiel had said, and Hannah had needed no clarification, "be happy."

Hannah wasn't really sure what happiness was for her any more. She'd had a taste of it, back when she'd first returned to Heaven to watch humanity and lead her siblings. But then the Darkness and struck and happiness had become a luxury none of them could afford.

She hoped that her brother and the Winchesters could find it again. She hoped she could too.

A few meters away a light flicked on and Hannah jerked upright, heart hammering in her chest. A few seconds later the door of the house opened and a silhouetted figure appeared. "Sorry!" They called, "I was in the back, didn't hear you pulling up."

Hannah felt glued to her seat. She stared, motionless, as the figure stepped down from the doorway and started towards her. How many times had she imagined this exact moment? All those nights when the only bright thought she had to cling to was returning to this house and the cheery smile it contained. She had reminded herself time and time again that Kim was probably dead, as so many others were, and that even if she weren't... nothing was the same any more. She was clinging to a past that had long since perished.

"Hello?"

Almost in a trance, Hannah found herself reaching for the handle and pushing open the door. She stepped out and Kim froze in her tracks, eyes widening.

They stared at each other, taking each other in as though they couldn't believe what they were seeing.

"...Hannah."

"Kim."

"You're... here."

"I..." She couldn't speak. She could hardly breathe. Here Kim was, alive and well and standing right in front of her.

Kim swallowed. "I saw all the news reports. All the... creatures that we never believed existed. Ghosts, vampires, werewolves..." her voice was flat, as though desperately suppressing a torrent of unpleasant emotions. A new kind of fear began curling in Hannah's gut.

"We tried to keep it all secret," she said, "like it's always been. But the forces they all allied themselves with were too powerful."

"Met a couple of angels. They were all... stiff. Confused by everything they saw but... really protective of each other."

Hannah bit her lip, seeing exactly where Kim was taking this.

"There was just... something so familiar about them. Took me a while to figure it out but... then I realised who they were all reminding me of."

"I'm sorry," Hannah said, "I couldn't tell you the first time we met."

Kim looked her with something like anger burning in her eyes. Hannah braced herself, too tired to mount any kind of defence.

"I always wondered about you, you know. Knowing that you were out there in the middle of the fight... so many times I wished I had a way to contact you, just to find out if you were alright. Then the angels announced they were all going back to Heaven, that we'd never see them again..." she looked down and Hannah just caught the glint of tears in her eyes. She longed to move forward, to pull Kim into her arms, but didn't know how the other woman would react.

"I hoped you'd find me before you left," Kim ploughed on, "or – or at least _call_ me to say goodbye but there was nothing and – shit Hannah, I thought you were dead!"

Hannah realised her own eyes were wet as she watched Kim tremble before her. "I didn't... I thought it was too late,” she said, “and then we realised that to seal the gap between heaven and earth would cost an angel their grace. My brother wanted to do it but I couldn't let him..." she sniffed, tears tracking down her cheeks, "not when his best friends were dead. So I took his place. I sent him to Heaven and I slammed the gateway behind him and now... now..."

"Hannah..." Kim took a step forward, arm coming up in an aborted reach for her. Hannah sniffed again and wiped her eyes, feeling the weight of everything that the Darkness had brought weighing down on her. She dug into her pocket and again retrieved her scrap of paper, holding it up so the other woman could see it.

Kim's mouth fell open, face scrunching up as fresh tears spilled from her eyes. "You kept it? All this time?"

"If I ever needed anything fixing, you said."

"I remember."

Hannah took a deep breath, "If, uh... if it's not too late, I'd – I'd like to take you up on that offer, finally."

She risked a glance up to see a weak smile slowly spreading across Kim's face. She blinked a few times, dislodging several more tears that fell into the valleys forming around her mouth.

"It's never too late."

Hannah took a step forward and finally, _finally_ Kim's arms were around her and she was burying her face in her shoulder. Kim smelled like oil and smoke and Hannah was sobbing openly now, clinging tight to Kim as everything she'd been clamping down came tumbling out of her.

"Shhh. Shhh." Kim was crying too, her voice thick and fingers digging into Hannah's back.

Hannah wasn't home. She would never go home again. But maybe that title could be flexible. Maybe now she was human she had to build a new home for herself – one surrounded by scrap metal and full of a child that wasn't hers, wedging herself into a space that hadn't been made for her but could still house her, if they all wanted it enough.

Hannah clung tighter to Kim, and prayed that she would never have to let go.


	12. *Please stay."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Set vaguely post-10x07. Hannah/Caroline.

Hannah had always intended to let Caroline go completely.

Her returning to Heaven had meant to be the end of her involvement with Earth but her determination to keep an eye on Castiel meant her attention was constantly drawn back to it. Every single time she did she found herself missing her old vessel – it had been confining and awkward but the more time passed the more often she found herself reverting from her true form back into an imitation of Caroline's shape. After all the times on Earth that she'd caught her own reflection in passing she had started to recognise the dark hair and pale blue eyes as her own.

At first, she put it down to the residual feelings that had followed her back to Heaven and ignored it. Then she started hearing Caroline's voice in her head.

Her first assumption had been that she was going mad; some human affliction that had somehow latched onto her grace and was now devouring her. But as Caroline's high-timbre had continued she'd realised she wasn't hearing a memory or her own thoughts in another voice. She was hearing a prayer.

Caroline was _praying_ to her? She'd seemed so eager to be rid of Hannah before, so desperate to erase the months she'd spent as her vessel. Hannah could recall with perfect clarity the desperation with which she'd called out for her husband, the fire she'd spit at Hannah as they'd walked away from him. Why would she willingly seek her out again?

Hannah had dropped what she'd been doing, retreated somewhere quiet to listen as Caroline had talked. She hadn't said much of consequence, rambling for a while about how strange everything was now and how much she'd missed Joe. Hannah had walked away with the impression that Caroline was just as mystified about the sudden communication as she was.

But it hadn't stopped. Caroline had prayed to her again and again, never with anything more to say than how her life was going – which, it soon became apparent, wasn't very smoothly.

"He... he doesn't get it." She'd told Hannah once, "Joe. I mean, how could he? Being possessed by an angel, couple's counselling doesn't exactly cover that sort of thing but... he's becoming so distant and – maybe I could be trying harder? But what do I do, this isn't..." she'd broken off with a long sigh, "You know it's weird. I sort of miss you."

Hannah had listened to the whole thing, her entire being itching to go to her, to see her again (really her, not just the facsimile she'd been walking around as). She'd assumed that releasing Caroline back to her old life would solve everything. Humans were so messy.

Even after that prayer she had resisted, knowing that her priorities lay with Heaven. For a while it had gone quiet and Hannah had assumed (not hoped, she had no reason to hope for anything concerning her former vessel, she knew that) that Caroline had found the solutions she needed.

When had anything ever been so simple?

This time it wasn't Caroline's voice she heard but a rush of feeling so strong it froze her where she stood. It seemed to hook into her chest and yank her straight towards Caroline with an insistence that refused to be ignored. By the time she heard the first tremulous "Hannah?" she was caught in a feeling she could only describe as _breathlessness_ and was moving before she'd even made a conscious decision.

The door to Earth was little more than a blur on the edge of her vision as she dissolved into a bright whirl of grace and allowed the anguish surrounding her to pull her along. She could tell from the strength of her prayer that Caroline couldn't have come to any physical harm but if she'd learned anything from her time down here then it was that injury wasn't always the worst thing. She wished, hardly for the first time, that she could talk back to prayers – be heard rather than just hear.

Caroline's house hadn't changed. Several lights were on inside and for a moment Hannah paused, hovering nervously outside. Whatever she was about to find, she was certain that she was not equipped to do anything about it.

The window to the front room was cracked open and it was through there that Hannah slipped in. Caroline was sitting on the floor, curled in front of the couch as though she just hadn't had the energy to make it the last few inches. Her head was slumped forward on her knees and her shoulders were jerking arrhythmically in time with the quiet, defeated noises that were escaping her. Something deeply unpleasant twisted in the very centre of Hannah's being and she wished she had hands to reach out with and comfort.

"Caroline?"

The woman's head sprang up, recognition and disbelief sparkling in her eyes even before her gaze landed on the light hovering above her. For a long moment she simply stared up at her, face damp and mouth open in surprise. Eventually, her lower lip trembled and she choked out, "Hannah?"

"I'm so sorry Caroline."

"You're really here?"

"I heard your prayers. All of them. I... I wanted to come to you before, but..."

"You heard me? Shit..." Caroline ducked her head, swiping ineffectually at her cheeks with one sleeve. "I didn't know if I was getting through or not."

"Every word."

"I didn't mean to intrude. I know you wanted to leave us behind completely, I'm sorry."

"Caroline," Hannah was aghast, "I should be the one apologising. I – I had no idea your troubles would continue after you returned home."

"Neither did I." Caroline sniffed miserably and gave up trying to shield her tears from Hannah. She stared at her knees, pulling at the sleeves of her jumper. "He's gone."

Something suspiciously like dread curled within Hannah. "Joe?"

"He said I was pulling away from him. That I wasn't trying." She huffed a mirthless laugh and shook her head, "I couldn't come up with a response fast enough to stop him walking out."

"This isn't your fault."

"Not his either. His wife disappears for a year without so much as a goodbye and when she comes back she won't talk about where she was or the guy she'd claimed to be seeing and... what was he supposed to do?"

"You didn't tell him what happened to you?"

"How could I? He'd have had me locked up, and rightly. I can barely believe it myself."

Hannah stared down at Caroline helplessly. She'd seen her life before she'd taken her from it. It hadn't been perfect at all – both she and Joe had still been reeling from the death of their daughter – but it had been so much more than the hopeless scene she'd arrived upon here.

"I'm so sorry, Caroline. I should never have taken you."

"You'd think I'd be mad at you, right?" Caroline said, "I mean if you hadn't come along he'd still be here." (Hannah winced. She knew the truth of her words but somehow they were so much sharper coming from Caroline's mouth.) "I just... I dunno, it's stupid."

"What?"

"When I realised it was all falling apart... I wanted to get him to stay, obviously, I was desperate to keep him... but my first thought was 'I wish Hannah were here'."

If Hannah had a heart she was sure it would be thudding. "We – we shared a lot of dangerous experiences together. It's only natural that... some form of emotional bond should arise from that." She was rationalising for herself as much as Caroline, she knew. Desperate to find an easy answer to the way the human had plagued her thoughts ever since her return to Heaven.

"It wasn't like I thought you could _do_ anything. I just... wanted you here."

"I... I'm here now."

Caroline looked up at her with a watery half-smile, "Yes you are. Thank you. You didn't have to come."

"I wanted to." Hannah hardly knew what she was saying any more.

"Can you, um..."

"What?"

She shook her head again, "No, never mind. You're busy right? Running Heaven can't be easy."

"Caroline. It's alright."

"...Please stay."

Hannah had no idea what either of them were thinking. She was past caring. Caroline needed her and she was feeling more at home in her former vessel's presence than she had anywhere else on Earth.

"What do you need?"

Caroline sighed, "I'm so tired Hannah. I just... I just want to blank out for a while, you know? I – I remember sometimes, when you were possessing me, you would... put me under. Just for a little while."

Hannah stared at her. Surely she was misunderstanding. "You... want me to possess you again?"

"I just don't want to feel so empty."

"Caroline are you sure you've thought this-"

"Not for long. I – I don't want that again. I just can't deal right now."

Hannah hesitated. She shouldn't. She should leave Caroline and return to her real duties...

"I need your explicit consent."

This time Caroline's smile was smaller but somehow more genuine. "Thank you, Hannah. Yes."

As Hannah flowed downwards, melting into Caroline, she finally felt the emotional barbs that had been driven into her lessen. The urgency that Caroline's final prayer had instilled in her dissolved. There was the familiar glare of light and disorientation and then she was blinking her way into vision, chest rising and falling and legs stiff from being so curled up.

She reached out a hand, watching as she flexed Caroline's fingers. Maybe she could take on her shape whenever she wanted to in Heaven, but it was nothing at all like being inside the genuine article.

She turned her attention inwards, feeling around until she located Caroline, tucked away into a corner of her own mind. Something pushed back, a faint sense of gratitude tinged with soul deep weariness.

"Sleep, Caroline," Hannah murmured, "I won't leave until you're ready." She gently pressed forward, pushing Caroline back into subconsciousness until she knew she would no longer be aware of the world outside. Then she heaved her body up onto the couch behind her and settled back to wait out the night.


	13. "If there's one thing the world needs more of..."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fallen!Agender!Hannah. Some non-sexual nudity.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter contains discussion of disphoria, transphobia and cisnormativity - both external and internalised.

The mirror was cold underneath her palm as she dragged a hand across it, moisture droplets collecting on her skin. From the mist of condensation her face emerged – her normally wavy hair was flat against her head, throwing the angles of her face into sharp relief. Water was still dripping off the peak of her nose and clinging to the hollow of her throat. She studied her reflection curiously; brow furrowing as she frowned and shoulders rising as she inhaled. As an angel inhabiting a host she had paid little attention to the mechanics of possession – how she and Caroline had bled and breathed and blinked in perfect time – but now it wasn't a vessel that gazed back at her. It was just a body. Her body. Every muscle twitch and swell of emotion belonged solely to her and she felt all of it with a keenness that was inescapably human.

Eyes still fixed on her face, she reached up and unfastened the towel from her chest, discarding it to the floor. Damp skin chilled against the warm air and she shivered. These days she was such a mass of contradictions: her awareness of the world so dulled her senses seemed redundant, yet her defenses against a fluctuating atmosphere paper-thin.

Disregarding the cold, she let her eyes roam downwards from her face across her chest. Her skin stretched taught over her collar bone, smooth and pale until it arched over the swells of her breasts. She lifted a hand and let it smooth over her chest, fingers catching on one dark nipple. She paused, letting her attention linger.

It was strange, just how much emphasis this corner of humanity placed on the most insignificant parts of her new anatomy. She'd noticed the divide before of course – the strict line between "she" and "he" determined by physiology at birth. She'd observed the trip ups in the system as well, the miscategorisations that so many fought ardently against. It was another thing she had paid little mind to. Angels took their vessel's pronouns just as they took their bodies – she had been "miss" and "ma'am" and "sweetheart" and then she'd been "sir" and "mr" but of course she hadn't really been any of those.

Except now, apparently, she was. Now she was "she" and she would always be "she" because the body she'd inherited left her with empty space between her legs and a dipped in waist and extra weight on her torso. Was that really how it worked? She felt no more ties to her delegated gender now than she had before. But... neither did she have any interest in the alternative. She didn't have to try them out to know that the masculine pronouns she'd briefly adopted would be equally as ill-fitting. She was just Hannah; newly human with a second hand body. Wasn't that the enough?

Finally, she tore her eyes away from her reflection and retrieved her towel. Everything took so much effort nowadays – it had taken her weeks to get the hang of cleaning herself properly, standing under the spray until she was sure her hair was free of shampoo, twisting round to wash the soap from every inch of her skin.

She slung the towel carelessly over the rail and pulled on her robe, clinching it loosely around her waist. She enjoyed the soft material against her skin and the way it hung freely off her far more than any of her regular clothes. She knew she could start wearing dresses, which would bring much the same sensation, but she was so far reluctant. The automatically gendering nature of the garment irked her, a response she couldn't quite pars even in her own mind. Perhaps she was just too annoyed with rigidity of classification; playing along would feel far too much like surrendering to it.

Her guest room in the Bunker was two corridors away from the showers and she encountered no one on her way. Her laptop (another inheritance from Caroline) was still open on her bed and she settled herself in front of it as she began to brush out her hair. On the whole the internet had been a far easier thing to master than any of her own self-maintenance and a great asset for all the questions she didn't want to ask aloud. Even so, she had been avoiding her most burning curiosity. It would almost be easier, she reflected as she teased a knot out of her hair, to never find out. To just keep quiet and play the stupid game that she'd been forced into – she had never had a problem being seen as a woman before, after all.

She chewed on her bottom lip as her laptop brought itself out of hibernation. It really wasn't that simple any more, was it? Playing at gender barely registered when one was playing at _species_ but now that whole charade was over and... and Castiel was wrong. Humanity was dumb. Never mind that she'd already met a vast number of people who'd spoken of things she was only just beginning to understand. People that hadn't needed to be ex-angels to feel the way she did.

The search bar cursor blinked at her, as though impatient to be put to use. Hannah stared back at it, wondering where to even start. Would this help anything? Wasn't pushing at the boundaries just risking adding another element of confusion into a world that was already drowning in self-made chaos? Wouldn't it be better to just leave well enough alone?

No. She slid the material of her robe upwards, exposing her right thigh and the jagged scar that marred the skin there – an unfortunate run in with a werewolf barely weeks prior. It had hurt like hellfire and made her useless for days but now it did serve as a useful reminder: she was no longer an angel. She bled and she slept and she hungered like any human. Taking care of the rest of them wasn't her responsibility any more and if she kept trying to watch over everyone her fragile soul would burn itself out.

“Victim of self-destruction,” she muttered to herself, tracing the shiny skin of her wound with one finger, “If there's one thing the world needs more of...”

It was time to worry about herself, for the first time in so many millenia. She pulled her robe back down and her laptop onto her knees – it was time to get herself some answers.

 


	14. "I've got one word for you: sing-along!"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Domestic AU. Ace!Hannah and aro!Charlie friendship.

"Hannah? You home?"

Hannah ignored her roommate's call, pulling her knees tighter to her chest. It hardly mattered – Charlie would come looking for her anyway. She'd been hovering around Hannah practically non-stop for the past week or so, ever since her relationship with Ingrid had reached _that_ stage. She didn't have a hope of avoiding the conversation Charlie would want to have.

She listened as the other woman moved around the apartment; dropping her bag in the hall, throwing her jacket over a chair, opening and closing the fridge. She called her name again, a worried edge to her voice that made Hannah's insides squirm with guilt. Even so, she remained silent.

Charlie's footsteps crossed the kitchen and padded down the hallway. She paused just outside Hannah's bedroom door and Hannah allowed herself a moment of hope that Charlie would see the darkness beyond the door and assume she was out. Her own bedroom was just next door...

"Hannah."

Damn.

Light spilled into the room with Charlie close on it's heels. Her eyes flicked from the bed to the window ledge where Hannah was perched, face scrunching up in concern when she saw her. "You finally had The Talk, huh?"

"Yes," Hannah said, turning back to stare out of the window.

"How'd it go?" The question was tentative, as though Charlie already knew the answer and felt bad about making Hannah say it.

Hannah sighed, "She said she would have to think about it. I'm not holding my breath."

"Shit..." Charlie moved forward until she was hovering by Hannah's side. Her fingers drummed nervously on her soda can, "I'm so sorry."

"Hardly unexpected."

"Doesn't make it fair. Man, can't any of these morons see what they're missing out on?"

Hannah shifted to face her, warmed by her friend's anger on her behalf. This was an old game for both of them by now and all Hannah could feel was a weary sort of resignation. This was how it went – people liked her well enough, even a lot, right up until she broke the news. Then it was stumbling words and hands withdrawn from shoulders and _Dear John_ phone calls not long after. She didn't have enough energy to be angry.

Charlie, however, seemed to have plenty of stamina left. "I mean we're not friggen _fifteen_ any more. Aren't we all supposed have stopped thinking with our downstairs brains by now?"

"Sex is important to people."

"So important they're gunna just walk away from a super awesome chick like you? That's bullshit."

Hannah regarded Charlie thoughtfully, "Is that really how you feel or are you just being nice to me? I mean... is sex really as good as everyone says?"

Charlie lifted her drink to her lips, seeming to consider the question. Then she said, "I not gunna lie; sex is great. I enjoy it a lot. But... the idea of walking away from what could be a really great relationship just 'cause it's been taken off the table? You've lost me there."

"If only more people thought like you."

"I'm sorry man," Charlie slung her free arm around Hannah's shoulders and leaned their heads together, "you don't deserve this. Trust me, if did the romance thing I'd be all over you."

Hannah smiled, properly for the first time in hours. "Thank you."

Charlie squeezed Hannah's shoulders gently and released her. "Now, how about we ditch all this crap for a few hours?"

"How are we doing that this time?"

Charlie grinned, "I've got one word for you: sing-along!"

A snort of laughter was bubbling out of Hannah's mouth before she even knew it was building. She let Charlie grab her hand and pull her out of her bedroom, blinking as the light hit her eyes. Charlie headed for their expansive DVD collection and Hannah paused to toe off her shoes before curling up on one end of the couch.

"So," Charlie said over her shoulder, "is it too soon for me to start trash talking Ingrid?"

"She hasn't actually broken up with me yet."

"Okay, I'll wait."

Hannah watched as Charlie grabbed the disc she wanted and headed for the TV, fondness for her best friend curling warm and deep in her chest.

Somehow booze made it into the equation very quickly and the two women belted out off-key show tunes until their neighbour started banging on the wall and they were too exhausted to do more than switch off the TV before falling asleep squashed next to each other on the couch.

When Hannah had the inevitable phone call from Ingrid the next day, she found that it barely weighed on her at all.

 


	15. "Are you fucking kidding me?"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Post season 10, Hannah working with Team Free Will on Earth.

Hannah didn't understand swear words. Well, she got the theory just fine: humanity had designated certain words and gestures as "taboo" and they were only said in situations of high emotion or stress. Except for the people that dropped them casually into perfectly calm conversations. And the people that deliberately never used them even in situations that were supposed to warrant them. Humans were weird.

No, what she didn't understand was how this practice had evolved in the first place. How had it come about that some words (words with no apparent connection) were barred from the polite vocabulary and deemed inappropriate for children to use? And why? She had tried one out once – alone in the bunker, having dropped in to find the Winchesters and Castiel away on a case. Perched on a table in the library, she had sucked in a breath and let out a sharp "Fuck!" It had made quite a pleasant echo off the high ceiling and the way it bit off at the end was rather satisfying. However, beyond the less than unique aesthetic of the word, she'd been rather underwhelmed.

The next time she found herself on the road with Dean Winchester she made a point of asking him. He glanced sideways at her with a frown, "Where's this comin' from all of a sudden?"

"Just a curiosity," Hannah said, "It's an interesting linguistic quirk, one angels never developed. You in particular seem to have a quite a fondness for it."

Dean shrugged, returning his gaze to the road, "It's just a thing humans do."

"Is there a therapeutic value to using them?"

"Make _me_ feel better."

"Then why are they considered inappropriate?"

He shot her an odd sideways glance.

"What?" she asked.

"Nothing, just... you sound a lot like Cas used to." He cleared his throat, "Uh, the whole taboo things probably a part of it, you know? Humans tend to get a kick out of doing things we shouldn't."

"Really?" Hannah said drily, "I hadn't noticed."

She mulled over that conversation for a while. In her experience doing things she wasn't supposed to do brought far more terror than thrill. But she was an angel; for her entire existence rule breaking had been punishable by death, or worse. Not that that had stopped everyone... maybe she ought to ask Castiel.

She had resolved to do just that the next moment of quiet they all had. However, before that moment had arisen she had ended up in a fight with demon and taken an angel blade to the leg. Alone and unable to walk, grace light spilling out between her fingers as she waited for Castiel to arrive, Hannah couldn't stop the whimpers of pain escaping her throat. In her desperate need for distraction she found her slightly muddled thoughts returning to their old stomping ground.

"Shit," she muttered. Then slightly louder, "Shit shit shit _shit SHIT!_ "

The pain didn't subside in the slightest but... but there was a chance that Hannah's focus was diverted from it just a little. She carried on yelling until she rev of Castiel's car cut through the silence outside. By the time she was back at the bunker with a stitched up leg she decided that, as odd as the whole thing was, maybe swearing did have it's uses.

Life got busy after that and all unanswered questions got pushed to the back of Hannah's mind, buried under long nights of research and the crud of living mainly on the road. It wasn't until they all wound up in Hibbing with two detective friends of the Winchesters that her interest was sparked once again.

Donna was obstinately cheerful and frequently performed some rather baffling verbal acrobatics to keep her speech clean. Hannah knew that dropping curse words as often as Sam and Dean was hardly necessary but going out of one's way to avoid them struck her as equally unsuitable. They had a designated role in the human languages, after all.

She brought this up with Donna as soon as she was able. Dragged along on a pastry run by the woman, Hannah commented, “You never swear.”

Donna shook her head, “Nope.”

“Why not?”

“My mum was very against that sort of thing. Guess the habit sort of stuck.”

“Most people seem to find them helpful in some situations.”

Donna laughed, “You can say that again. Jodio's got one h-e-double-hockey-sticks of her mouth on her. I'm startin' to wonder whether I'm just keeping the balance.”

It took Hannah several moments to figure out what 'h-e-double-hockey-sticks' was supposed to mean. Donna glanced at her thoughtful expression and said, “It ain't like there's a quota to fill – if you do you do, if you don't you don't. I've never seen that it was necessary.”

“Not even when you're in pain?”

“No point makin' a bad situation even nastier.”

“What do you do when you're angry?” Hannah asked. Donna simply laughed and told her that the Winchesters were a bad influence on her. Hannah didn't doubt it for a second.

She spent a while experimenting after that. In normal, low-stress situations swear words never felt right: they were awkward on her tongue and jarred in the air when she tried to utter them. They felt more natural when she was in pain, expletives slipping out to cover the pulsing of her grace under broken skin. She decided sincerity had a lot to do with it – the voice she spoke with these days was soft and quiet and didn't carry casual cursing well. It was only when she could spit them out with the weight of feeling behind them that there was any point trying.

Once she'd reached these conclusions she largely lost interest in the matter and for several months her attention was elsewhere. Battling yet another apocalypse was rather time and energy consuming so it was often only lore and battle strategy that got any focus at all and even if that hadn't been the case... Hannah had more pressing concerns. With all the time she was spending down on Earth, all the human company she was keeping, old feelings were starting to gnaw away at her again. Everything she'd left behind the first time was resurfacing. She didn't notice anything until the end of a particularly gruelling hunt that left her filthy and exhausted – she was halfway through her shower before it even occurred to her that she could simply banish all her dirt away.

Resistance to all the human habits she was picking up proved to be a rather half-hearted battle, especially when she caught sight of the fond look in her brother's eyes and the Winchesters became markedly less guarded around her. She'd been a leader in Heaven; there really hadn't been any room for friendships.

So, when Sam, Dean, and Castiel rolled into the bunker late one night, it was to find Hannah with her shoes toed off and feet tucked up on the library couch. She looked up from her book as they piled in and Dean headed straight for the liquor stash. “Well?”

“It, uh... wasn't a complete dead end.” Sam chucked his duffel onto a table, not quite meeting Hannah's eyes.

Hannah frowned, "What does that mean?" She glanced between the three of them to see them all failing to look casual. "Castiel?"

"We..."

"Did they know about the ritual we've been looking for?"

The three men glanced at each other uneasily. Hannah leant forward, uncurling her legs. "What happened?"

Dean cleared his throat. "They knew about the ritual. In fact, they were able to complete it. Right then and there."

"And... this _isn't_ good news?"

"It turns out that it came with certain... unforeseen circumstances." Castiel said.

Hannah felt the bottom of her stomach drop away.

"We, um..."

"What?"

"We ended up opening Lucifer's cage."

Hannah was on her feet before she'd realised she was moving. "Are you _fucking kidding me?_ "

Everyone jumped at her abrupt change in demeanour but Hannah paid no attention. "We have been battling the Darkness for months and _every fucking time_ we thought we had a solution it has never been worth the pay-off! When you brought up this ritual you told me that you were sure, you said that there was no way this could backfire on us! Were you lying about that or it did you just not consider the fucking _devil_ to be a problem?"

"This was buried deep," Sam insisted, "nowhere we looked-"

"We agreed that taking risks would only put us in even more danger – danger we do not _fucking_ need! How are we supposed to deal with this? You were all there the last time Lucifer walked the Earth and you all know how near to the fucking apocalypse we came!"

"Look you can't pin this on us, you-"

"Do not!" Hannah glowered at Dean, "Don't start that evasion shit with me Dean Winchester. If the Darkness doesn't kill us all then Lucifer just might, I hope all of you are fucking satisfied."

There was a drawn out silence. Hannah was breathing hard and everyone else was staring at her in alarm. Eventually Castiel said, "Did that make you feel better?"

Hannah let out a huff of air. "You know, it actually rather did." She threw herself back down into her chair, "Now, what are we going to do about this?"

 


	16. "Can we pretend I didn't just say that?"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charlie/Hannah ft. pre-destiel. Halloween fluff in honour of the season.

"Halloween isn't lame! You're lame!"

Dean rolled his eyes at Charlie's indignation and carried on stripping his gun, "Kid, you've seen what's running around out there. How can you still find plastic fangs and fake cobwebs scary?"

"It's all about the _ambiance_ ," Charlie insisted, "Hannah, back me up here."

"Aw, come on," Dean said, looking at Hannah, "You too?"

Hannah tried to suppress a smile and failed. "I didn't think you'd be one to object, not to a holiday that involves as much unnecessary eating as Halloween."

Charlie snorted at Dean's answering glare. "Yeah man! Is Dean Winchester really saying no to the prospect of pumpkin pie?"

"I can have pumpkin pie any time I want it!"

"We'll share our candy with you," Hannah offered.

"You two are a couple of children, you know that right?"

"Actually we were planning on being elves."

Dean rolled his eyes a second time and ignored Charlie. Hannah leaned back in her seat, needing the perfect balance of innocence and disinterest for her next attack. "Well, we tried. Perhaps we could ask my brother instead."

Dean's head shot around, "Cas is gunna be in town? He didn't say anything."

Hannah shrugged, trying to ignore the look of surprised amusement Charlie was sending her. "He's a couple of states over but I'm sure he be prepared to make the trip if he knew we had something planned."

"Totally," Charlie said, "you know how eager the guy is to experience human stuff. He's never had a proper Halloween before."

Hannah had to stare fixedly at the opposite wall. "He hasn't? Well, then he'd definitely come down if we asked."

Dean sighed, "You ladies aren't gunna shut up about this are you?" Hannah had to commend his poker face.

"I doubt it."

"Fine. But you're fetching the pumpkins. I'll call Cas."

"I can do that," Hannah offered. Charlie snorted, hastily turning it into a cough.

"Nah, I got it."

"Of course."

"Can we borrow Baby?" Charlie asked.

"Fat chance. Your own car works fine." He stood from the table and left the room, pulling his cell phone from his pocket.

Charlie and Hannah watched him go. They held their forced nonchalance for a long moment after the door had shut behind him, then glanced at each other and collapsed into giggles.

"You are _evil_ ," Charlie said gleefully, doubling over so her nose was almost touching the table.

Hannah wiped her eyes, "It's for their own good."

"Amen to that." Charlie straightened up and reached across the table to high-five Hannah. "Who knows, maybe a little jack-o-lantern light is what they need to set the mood."

"Because candles worked so well for us?"

"That wasn't my fault!"

The indignant look was back, crinkling the bridge of her nose in a way that made Hannah want to lean across and kiss it. She leant her head on one hand, "So what's our plan? Besides winning enough candy to induce a heart attack?"

"I dunno, carry on your classic horror film education? You still haven't seen The Ring, man that film gave me nightmares for weeks."

Hannah smirked, "Does it still?"

"Weeell... it does have it's moments."

"Are your sure you'll be alright?"

"I dunno man. Probably not if we watch with all the lights off."

"We can keep them on."

"No! This is your first time through, you need full immersion!" She sighed dramatically, "I guess I'll just have to find a way to get through it."

"This education of mine seems doomed to failure," Hannah remarked.

Charlie raised one eyebrow, "Well, I wasn't gunna say anything, but you are kind of easily distracted."

“Or just too easily scared.”

“Pfft, yeah right. You're not scared of anything.”

“I'm scared whenever you're not with me.”

Charlie blinked, mouth opening and shutting several times. Hannah didn't imagine she looked much different – had she really just said that? Where had it even come from? Not that it was even a little bit untrue, they were both lived dangerous lives after all, but that was something she'd never even considered voicing aloud.

“Hannah...”

“Um, I – okay, can we pretend I didn't just say that?”

Charlie swallowed, then shook her head, “No. I think I'm gunna come over there and kiss you instead.”

Hannah pushed out her chair enough to face Charlie as she rounded the table. Charlie leaned down and brushed their mouths together, the taste of cinnamon dancing across Hannah's lips. Her hands settled on Charlie's waist and she tugged her gently down until she was settled sideways on her lap. Time always seemed to distort when they were together like this: seconds could stretch on into infinity the moment they came together yet no amount of time was ever enough. Hannah's heart fluttered at the tenderness with which Charlie kissed her, the unspoken _me too_ that accompanied her mouth and hands.

Eventually she pulled back and Hannah gazed up at her, not bothering to hide the smile that tugged at the corners of her mouth.

“We should go,” Charlie said, running one finger down Hannah's cheek, “we wanna get our pumpkins and be back in time to suit up.”

“Bet I can eat more candy that you,” Hannah grinned.

Charlie laughed, “Yeah right. When have you ever binge-eaten _anything_?”

“There's a first time for everything.”

“Yeah but you can't just jump straight into the deep end, man, you've gotta work up. Remember what happened the last time you tried to binge Orange is the New Black?”

“I didn't try I succeeded.”

Charlie rolled her eyes, grinning. Then she stood, pulling Hannah up with her and grabbing her jacket from the back of her chair. “Alright, we could argue this all day. Just don't blame me when you're puking tomorrow.”

“We'll see.” Hannah took Charlie's hand and allowed herself to be pulled from the room.

 


	17. "That is one hell of a mess"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 11x10 coda. For all our badass ladies who deserved better.

Hannah winced at the sound of Rowena's broken bones cracking against each other. The almost 180 degree angle of her head was doing nothing to diminish the ferocity of her glare as she painted sigils in a ring around her neck and despite himself, Hannah was almost impressed.

Placing her hands on either side of her head, Rowena snapped her spine back into place. As the sigils glowed and faded away she turned to finally face Hannah. "Now then. Shall we discuss business?"

"You work for Lucifer."

" _Worked_." Rowena snapped, "That backstabbing little daddy's boy. Thinks he can just throw me aside... after _everything_ I did for him."

"He's the devil," Hannah said, "did you expect his promises to mean anything?"

"Where I come from a deal is a deal! If not for my loyalty that rat would be rotting in the dark until the sky fell in on us all." She shot a poisonous look at Hannah, "I trust that _you_ , my dear, aren't planning on wriggling on your own debts?"

Hannah scowled and folded his arms. "Don't threaten me Rowena. You're powerful but all Lucifer tried to do was snap your neck. I doubt you fare so well against a smiting."

"And _I_ think that you wouldn't dare make a move against me while Lucifer and Amara are having their little pissing contest. I am, after all, the only one capable of reading the book of the damned and ever since your little vanishing act you've been rather lacking for resources." She folded herself down into a chair and graced Hannah with a smug smile that made him want to break her neck all over again.

She was right. There was no denying that.

"Why did you summon me?"

Rowena shrugged, "You want Fergus dead and Lucifer locked away again. Thanks to recent events, I do too. Why not give each other a helping hand?"

Hannah regarded her warily. What was that human idiom? Desperate times call for desperate measures? While he was in hiding he really was cut off from anyone else who could help him and... and as much as it galled him, he did owe Rowena.

He nodded and Rowena's smile broadened, "Excellent."

"What exactly did you want?"

"What I'd like right now is to know why you called on my services at all. How is skulking in the shadows a better way to fight the Darkness than arming your siblings and bringing her a war?"

"What does that matter?"

Rowena tutted, "Come now, Hannah. Comrades in arms should know each others battle strategies don't you think?"

"You are _not_ my comrade," Hannah snapped.

"Well then, consider this part of returning your favour." She raised an eyebrow at Hannah. When he didn't reply she splayed one hand, studying her fingernails calmly, "It was a very powerful bit of magic I did for you. Doppelgängers are hard enough but conjuring ones that can respond well enough to fool your friends, not to mention simulate death without the spell breaking... I really did stick my neck out for you with only your word that I would get anything for my efforts."

Hannah sighed, turning to pace the cramped cellar. Without Rowena's spell he'd have had a much harder time convincing the other angels of his death, never mind Castiel. Still, the thought of sharing anything with her at all set his teeth on edge – who knew how she might put the information to use?

"Angels are born soldiers," he said at last, turning away from Rowena, "if they organised there's no doubt that they would find a way to get rid of Amara. But that would be all they aimed to do. The collateral damage wouldn't even be considered."

"You mean humans," Rowena said, her tone dripping with disdain.

Hannah bristled, whipping round to glare at her, "This is not their war! They do not deserve to be wiped out for my fathers mistakes and all the sacrifices that were made six years ago should not have been made in vain."

"Yada yada, special snowflakes, yada. What's your point?"

"My kind are determined but we need a leader to function properly. I could not talk down all my siblings but I realised that if I removed myself then they would be too scattered to make any big moves against Amara. It buys us all some time."

Rowena leaned forward, eyes glinting. "Avoiding a cosmic war by starting a civil war? The great leader of Heaven gone underground because he can't trust his men and his allies don't trust him? That is one _hell_ of a mess."

"Says the woman on the run from her son and her master-"

" _Former_ master."

"-unable to maintain her upper hand over a couple of humans?"

Rowena was out of her chair and across the room in an instant, well into Hannah's personal space before he was even finished taking. Hannah stared her down, matching her glare.

"Be careful," Rowena said quietly, "Just because you fancy yourself ringleader of heaven doesn't make you God."

"Just because you can shake off a broken neck doesn't mean you'd stand a chance against me if it came to it." Hannah said, "You're eight centuries old. I've been around multiple millennia. Don't presume I see you as anything more than an annoying child who needs my help tying her shoelaces."

There were several tense moments of silence. Rowena's eyes were blazing and Hannah readied himself for an attack. It never came. Instead, a smile slowly tugged at the corners of Rowena's mouth, turning her angry expression into something almost predatory.

"Well well. Your quite the feisty one aren't you? I can see why Feathers was so taken with you."

Hannah stiffened. "Did you summon me here to hold up my deal or to gossip?"

"Quite right." She turned and swept back to her chair, folding her hands under her chin. "So. Lets chat."


	18. "There's something I've been meaning to say..."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Human!AU. Hannah/Kim open relationship. Accidental pregnancy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for discussion (but no actual incidences) of date rape/sexual assault.

It took Hannah almost five minutes to realise that something was wrong.

Hands full with groceries, she had picked her way through the flat to the kitchen in the dark and set everything down before snapping the light on. Kim's date was tonight so the seemingly empty flat hadn't concerned her at all... until she'd cleared the last of the shopping away and gone to the bedroom to find Kim's bag still on the night stand.

A quick check through confirmed that she hadn't simply removed her keys and wallet to free up her arms – everything was in it's usual place. It just wasn't with Kim like it was supposed to be.

Heart already pounding in her ears, Hannah pulled her phone out and dialled her girlfriend's number, worrying on her bottom lip as she listened to the dial tone. It rang the requisite four times before going to voicemail. _Shit_.

Hannah sat on the edge of the bed, trying to rationalise to herself. This was hardly evidence that something was wrong, maybe Kim was just having too good a time to want to pick up the phone, maybe she'd set it to vibrate and couldn't hear it, maybe she was already distracted with... other activities.

But fears that looked exactly like this had nested way back in Hannah's mind ever since they'd opened up their relationship four months ago. They'd agreed right at the start to be careful, to make sure they could trust the people they saw and always tell each other if they got into something they couldn't handle. They were, after all, both young women looking for casual flings and the occasional three-way; many of the people willing to take up that offer were really only out to exploit it.

She dialled her number again and was redirected to voicemail a second time. Oh God, what if something had happened? They always met their respective dates on neutral territory, keeping their flat theirs and theirs alone, but what if Kim had told her date where she lived? What if he had come round and drawn her out of the flat before she could grab her bag? What if he had taken her somewhere and...

Hannah had to swallow hard to keep from retching.

She stood and moved from the bedroom, searching the rest of the flat for any clue to Kim's whereabouts. God, she'd never forgive herself if Kim was in trouble – this whole thing had been _her_ idea, after all. Once they'd both realised that they loved each other but just were just too incompatible in the bedroom it had been the only logical solution, in her eyes. And it had been working so _well._ The two of them were closer than ever now that the pressure to be everything the other woman needed had been lifted. Hannah had never been happier or a relationship of hers more stable and now...

Standing with her back to the bathroom door she tried Kim's phone again. Her blood was rushing so loud in her ears that she almost missed the faint buzzing from just behind her. Then she was dropping her phone in her haste to shove through the door and scrabble for the light switch, blinking against the harsh white. Kim was curled up in the bathtub. Her legs were folded up against her chest and her phone was in the sink.

“Kim?” Hannah stumbled forward, crashing to her knees by the side of the bath, “Kim, what happened, are you hurt?”

She took hold of Kim's wrists, making her move her arms so she could inspect her. She wasn't drenched in blood and her clothes weren't torn but that did little to calm Hannah. “Kim? Did he do something to you?”

Kim shook her head. Hannah could only watch helplessly as tears leaked from her eyes and trailed down her cheeks. Hardly her first tears, if her blotchy face was anything to go by. Hannah wanted to climb into the tub opposite Kim, to pull her into her arms, but she was terrified that would only make it worse. Besides, she wasn't sure she trusted her legs to support her right now.

“Kim...” she tried to keep her voice level as she released the other woman's wrists and laid a hand on her shin. Kim didn't flinch away, which Hannah hoped was a good thing. “Kim, talk to me, please.”

Finally, Kim looked at her. Her eyes were red-rimmed and wide with fear and she looked so _small_ hunched in on herself at one end of the bath. “There's...” her voice wobbled and she pursed her lips together, more tears appearing and chasing after the others. Hannah rubbed a thumb soothingly up and down Kim's calf, trying to give her space when all she wanted to do was crowd Kim against the wall and demand she tell her what was going on so she could make it better.

“There's some – something I've been meaning to say...”

“You're not hurt?”

She shook her head, “I'm alright. I'm sorry, I must have scared you silly...”

“A little,” Hannah allowed, “What did you want to tell me?”

Kim was clamming up again. She pulled her knees tighter to her chest and gripped her arms so hard her knuckles turned white. “Han, I'm so sorry.”

Whatever fear Hannah had managed to let go of when Kim had said she wasn't hurt barrelled back into her at full force. Her free hand came up to grasp the edge of the bath, scared that if she didn't hold onto something she would fall away. She took a deep, steadying breath. “Look, whatever it is... we'll figure it out. It'll be okay.”

“I'm pregnant.”

There was a heavy silence. It was like all the air had been sucked out of the room.

“You're...”

“Oh God, I've screwed this all up.” Kim sniffed and wiped a sleeve across her nose, “You – we were doing so well and I've gone and been a fucking idiot and fucked it all up. I didn't mean for this to happen, I swear, it just... I don't know what to do, I just wish I didn't have to drag you into this and–“

“Hey.” While Kim had been rambling Hannah had dragged herself up onto the rim of the bath, facing out into the room and trying to dispel the ice in her gut. Whatever she'd expected when she'd found Kim here, this hadn't been it – a whirl of emotion was twisting at her insides and clawing up her throat and making her eyes sting. Part of her wanted to collapse but she could hear the despair in Kim's tone and that was what reached her. She twisted slightly so she could see her girlfriend out of the corner of her eye, “Did you use protection?”

“Of course I did! We both did Han, you gotta believe me, I don't know–“

“It's okay, it's okay, I do believe you. Accidents happen.”

“You're... are you mad at me?”

Hannah took a moment to consider the question, knowing that bottling up that kind of resentment would be disaster for both of them further down the road. “I am angry,” she said finally, “but not at you. Rather at the idiotically bad luck of the whole situation.”

“Really?” Kim reached out a tentative hand and Hannah didn't think twice about taking it. She swung one leg over the edge of the bath so she could face Kim more fully, “If you took all the necessary precautions then this isn't your fault. And I trust you when you tell me you did.”

Kim nodded emphatically, “My mom was only sixteen when she had me, I know better than to just roll the dice.”

She looked so bedraggled that any feelings Hannah might have been able to pick out of the chaos are lost amid the urge to pull Kim close to her. She couldn't deny either of them, climbing down next to Kim and opening her arms. Kim came to her without hesitation, burying her face in Hannah's neck. For a while they sat like that, clinging to each other and wondering what in the hell they were supposed to do next.

After a while Hannah spoke up, “Do you know how far along you are?”

“Three months, give or take.”

“Do you... do you know who...?”

Kim sat up, wiping her eyes and nodding, “His name's Sam. He's a regular at the Roadhouse.”

“Have you talked to him?”

“No, I... you deserved to be the first to know.”

Hannah gave Kim's hand a grateful squeeze, receiving a timid smile in return.

“What do you want to do?”

“I... you know how I was raised, it – I couldn't...”

“You don't want an abortion. I understand. So we'll keep it.”

Kim looked up at her, surprised, “Just like that?”

“You know my feelings about the adoption system.”

“No, I mean...” Kim swallowed, “I'm asking you to raise someone else's kid with me and you're just... hopping on board?”

“I believe that family has very little to do with biological ties. It's the raising of the child that matters, not the conceiving of it. If you want me to be mother to your baby then that's what I'll be.”

“I do,” Kim said, “More than anything.”

Hannah looked down at their still interlinked fingers. They'd talked about the prospect of children in the past, of course, back when they were first realising how committed they were to each other. They had both seen children of their own somewhere in the future – though never under circumstances quite like this.

“It's a lot sooner than either of us were predicting,” Hannah said, “but I think we can do it.”

“This is gunna change everything, Hannah,” Kim said, light shimmering in her eyes again.

“Maybe. But we will still be us. Nothing could ever change my feelings for you, Kim.”

“Right back 'atcha.” Kim leaned forward, pressing a kiss to the corner of Hannah's mouth. There foreheads rested together for a while, breathing in time with each other and trying to calm the panic that was boiling up in them both.

Hannah closed her eyes, considering her next question carefully. “You said that Sam was a regular at the Roadhouse.”

“Yeah.”

“Do you... want to tell him about this?”

Kim swallowed thickly, “I don't know. I mean... obviously I barely know the guy but he – he doesn't seem the type to run out a chick like this. Not sure if that's a good or a bad thing.”

Hannah tucked an arm around Kim's back, pulling her more securely into her. “Take some time to think things over. You know that whatever you decide to do I will be behind you.”

“You've never even met Sam.”

“Well, if you decide to tell him and he decides he wants to be involved then I will meet him.” She didn't really think it likely – guys who had one night stands with girls they met in Roadhouses weren't usually the type to honour their debts but the thought of having him on board seemed to soothe Kim. Probably a remnant of the traditional upbringing she'd been brought up with.

“We should, uh...” Kim pulled away again, still not letting go of Hannah's hand. “This is super uncomfortable.”

“Agreed. You need something to eat.” They helped each other up and returned to their bedroom where Kim accepted to food Hannah brought to her. Neither of them quite knew how to act: the equilibrium they'd found for themselves here in this flat had been well and truly shattered and it was far too soon to tell where the pieces would fall. Hannah could only hope, as they retired to bed wrapped around each other, Kim clinging to Hannah like she was scared she would vanish in the night, that their determination would be enough to carry them through.


	19. "Come on."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alternate ending to 11x18 - Hannah goes in to retrieve Cas instead of Crowley. Spoilers (obvs).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Spiritual sequel to Chapter 17. Entirely inspired by holyhael's tumblr post.

"Castiel!"

Castiel turned his head and frowned. Hannah thought his seemingly miraculous resurrection deserved rather more of a response than that but this was neither the time nor the place.

"Castiel, what are you doing?"

"Passing the time. This room gets the best reception for some reason."

Hannah gaped at his brother as he turned back to the flickering television screen. When they got out of here he was going to splinter the Winchesters into so many pieces not even Father would be able to fit them back together.

He took three measured steps across the room and slid into the chair opposite Castiel. "How could you do this Castiel?"

"Do what?"

"You know what!" Hannah slapped a hand against the table. Castiel put a hand out to steady the television, not sparing Hannah a glance.

"Why don't you tell me how you're alive? Last time I saw you Efram was putting a blade through your neck."

"Don't change the subject!" Hannah snapped, "You allowed _Lucifer_ to possess your vessel, I think you are the one first in line to provide an explanation."

Finally, Castiel met Hannah's gaze. He looked tired, he realised, far more so than the last time he'd seen him. Something unpleasant squirmed in the pit of his stomach.

"Castiel." He reached out and put a hand on his arm.

Castiel sighed, "You heard the same stories that I did, Hannah. About the Darkness. We need to defeat her and Lucifer is our last option."

"So _you_ say. Did you think for more than five minutes about this or did you merely jump at such an obvious chance at martyrdom?"

"Do you really think me so egotistical?"

"No. I think you've been chewed up and spat out and left to rot while the world forgets about all you've done for it."

 _That_ got Castiel's attention. He stared at Hannah, mouth open as if grappling for something to say. Hannah swallowed, the promise of tears burning behind his eyes. "I heard everything they said about you when I was leading Heaven. The things they no doubt still say about you."

"And you think them unjustified?" Castiel's laugh was bitter and humourless. "After the number of angels I slaughtered? Our _siblings_ Hannah-"

"Our siblings that were willing to stand idly by as the world and all humanity were laid to waste," Hannah shot back. He took a deep breath, forcing down the whirlpool of emotion that was trying to claw its way out of his chest. "I know I stood with that crowd, once upon a time. But I... I've seen a lot since then. I've walked much the same paths that you have. You can tell me you're beyond redemption if you like but I know better."

Castiel levelled him with a look almost reproachful, "Our siblings have never known any other way than the one destiny laid down for them. Do you really believe that all those innocent lives are an acceptable price to pay? For _anything_?"

"Why don't you ask Sam and Dean?"

There was a long silence. Castiel's expression was flickering so rapidly Hannah couldn't tell what he was thinking. But he was paying attention to him and that felt like progress.

Finally Castiel opened his mouth, "I know you have your issues with Sam and Dean-"

"Yes," Hannah interrupted him, "I do and I stand by them all. But I know you consider them family more than you ever did any of us.” He leant forward, urging Castiel to see, to _understand_ , “They have sacrificed so many people along the way. How can they still be good men but not you?”

Castiel looked away, swallowing. “It doesn't matter. I outlived my usefulness a long time ago.”

“Tell that to the Winchesters. Did you never stop to think about why I'm here?”

“I don't understand.”

“They called me because I'm their best shot at getting you back.”

Castiel frowned. He looked like he was having a hard time believing him. “But the Darkness...”

“They think they can trap Lucifer into another vessel.”

“Why? This body has withstood a lot of things, it's almost ideal.”

“I agree,” Hannah said, “But you know how the Winchesters are. Family comes before all things. Vanquishing Amara is a less pressing concern for them than rescuing their brother. They _miss_ you, Castiel. I miss you.”

Castiel's eyes were shining as he pulled away from Hannah. Hannah stood warily, concern for his brother warring with the knowledge that they were fast running out of time. Soon the warding would be gone and Lucifer would be coming for them both.

“Please Castiel. You don't need to do this.”

“You sound almost human,” Castiel said.

Hannah smiled, “Not half as human as you, brother.”

Castiel turned back to him. Lines were etched deep into his face and he was far too pale but there was the merest glimmer of hope in his eyes and Hannah clung to it.

“What if Lucifer gets free?” He asked, “What if he can't be contained?”

“Then we will all have one more thing to deal with,” Hannah said, “On top of everything else I doubt we'll even notice.” He held out a hand, “Come back Castiel. I'm sure the Winchesters have a lot of hypocrisies about self-sacrifice ready for you.”

Castiel's mouth twitched in what might have been the ghost of a smile. Hannah stood his ground, hand outstretched and eventually – slowly, as though afraid it would be withdrawn if he were too eager – Castiel moved to take it.

Hannah nodded reassuringly at him, squeezing his hand as though one simple gesture could fix everything.

“Come on. There's a lot to be done.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I HAVE SO MANY FEELINGS ABOUT CAS, Y'ALL


	20. "Last time I ask you for a favour."

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Human AU. Aromantic!Hannah and Castiel fake relationship (off-page destiel).

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings: Discussion of homophobia and arophobia. Romance repulsed character put (consentingly) in a romantic situation.

Hannah slipped though the patio door and breathed a sigh of relief at the cool breeze that awaited her. She wandered down past the rock garden until the hubbub of the crowd inside faded to a background hum and the stars were no longer obscured by the light spilling through the glass, then settled down onto a low wall where she could see the gently rippling surface of the lake reflect the moonlight.

She could have five minutes, she decided, before she had to return to the noise and heat of the party and the suffocating closeness of never leaving Castiel's side. It wasn't that she resented having to do this for him, she understood completely but... but best friend or not, his arm around her and the barrage of questions from his family still made her skin crawl.

The wind picked up, blowing a few loose strands of hair across her face and making her shiver. It was a blessed relief after the cramped house she'd just escaped from, however, even if her thin dress was no match for the late autumn night.

Footsteps approaching her broke her out of her thoughts and she turned, expecting to see a younger member of the Novak clan sneaking away to light a cigarette or sent out to pull her back inside. Instead she found Castiel making a beeline for her, suit jacket in one hand and a sympathetic smile on his face.

“You'll catch a chill,” he said as he dropped down beside her and draped his jacket over her shoulders. Hannah rolled her eyes but accepted the offering gratefully.

“I was just about to come back.”

“Don't worry, nobody's missed you yet.”

“Charming.”

It was Castiel's turn to roll his eyes, “You know what I mean. Even if someone had started looking for you the moment you left they probably still wouldn't have realized you aren't in the house.”

“It is rather chaotic in there.”

“Um, do you... need to be alone? I can-”

Hannah elbowed him in the side, “Will you stop mothering me? I promise I'm fine.”

Castiel raised an eyebrow, “Are you sure? You were looking quite tense before you left.”

“I was tense, that's why I'm out here.” She took a sidelong glance at his expression, “Don't.”

“Don't what?”

“You know what. I'm not a frightened animal, I don't need coddling.”

“And I'm the reason that you're so uncomfortable,” Castiel countered, “it's only fair that I feel guilty.”

Hannah sighed. She _was_ uncomfortable, extremely so, but her mind had been made up as soon as she'd heard the desperation in Castiel's tone when he'd called her two nights ago. Anna's engagement earlier that year had left Castiel and Gabriel the only unattached Novak siblings and as such the scrutiny was getting harder and harder to dodge. They might only have known each other for a couple of years but Castiel had told her enough to give her good idea of his extended family: very much, in fact, like her own.

“I'd rather you just owe me one,” she said.

“I think I owe you several for this.”

She smiled softly, tilting her head back to look at the stars, “I know you wouldn't have asked me if you had any other options.”

Castiel scrubbed a hand across his face and sighed. “As soon as I graduate I'm telling them.”

“Is that a good idea?”

“I'll leave right after. Dean and I have saved up more than enough to get us several states over. They can disown me as much as they like once I'm gone.”

Hannah smiled softly. She wished she could say the same, that this could only last another few months. As it was she was the oldest Johnson child and therefore was not long away from inheriting her parent's business – she couldn't just throw it all away and leave her sisters with nothing. “You'll come back home for my wedding, won't you? I promise not to invite Raphael.”

Out the corner of her eye she saw Castiel turn to face her. She didn't have to take her eyes off the sky to know the look he was giving her.

“I wish you could come with me,” he told her.

“I'm sure I'd only get in the way,” she rolled her head to the side and tipped a wink at Castiel. His mouth twitched in what might have been a smile but his expression remained serious.

“Have your parents selected anyone for you yet?”

“They're giving me the illusion of choice,” Hannah said, “I have met a _lot_ of CEO's sons over the past few months.”

“I'm sorry.”

She shook her head, “Don't be. I drew the short straw, that's all. I'll make it work.”

Castiel placed a supportive hand on her back and she let her eyes fall closed. Meeting him had been one of the best things to come out of her whole college experience – finally having someone around who _understood_ , who didn't get blustery and condescending when she said that relationships just weren't for her.

One of the many reasons she'd gladly put herself through tonight if it protected him for some of the time he had left.

“We should go back inside.”

“You sure?”

She shot him a look and he put his hands up in surrender, “Sorry, sorry. I know, you can handle it.”

Standing up, she passed him back his jacket and smoothed down her dress, ready to go back and resume her part as besotted girlfriend.

Almost ready.

Castiel moved to pass her and she grabbed his arm, “Oh! I nearly forgot. I'd stay away from Meg tonight.”

“Why?”

“I told her you had a tattoo of a bible inscription on your chest and she seemed quite keen to see it.”

Castiel stared at her. Hannah bit her tongue, fighting to keep a straight face.

“You... Hannah, _what_?”

She shrugged, “She asked me if you were inked. I could hardly have told her I didn't know, I'm supposed to be your girlfriend!”

“Why didn't you just say no?”

Hannah grinned and Castiel's aghast expression was quickly replaced by one of exasperation. “Never mind, I don't need to ask that.”

“Come on, this is one less you owe me now.”

Castiel rolled his eyes. “Last time I ask you for a favour!” he muttered as he started back towards the house.

Hannah ran to catch up with him, knocking her shoulder into his side and just catching his amused grin before he stifled it.


End file.
